Exchange it for what you want. If you keep it for "him," you are keeping it to make someone else happy. You won't like it and won't really use it anyway, so you'll never get the benefit for DBing with H. So, just thank him profusely for it, be appreciative, and be honest. You'll be fine.
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." - Maria Robinson
M: 45 WAW: 36 T: 17 M: 14 Kids: D9 ILYBNILWY: 6/2010 W left: 2/2011 W back: 2/2012
AJ - I have some other thoughts about the bag. You know as well as I do that men have a REALLY hard time picking out clothing, etc. for our wives. Maybe he did put a great deal of thought into it but came up a little short. It may not be your style, but I can tell you from my own personal experience, I think it is the thought that counts here. You seem to interested in the specifics of the bag itself. what have you done in the past when your H has bought you gifts. Exchanged them? If so, consider this as a 180 opportunity.
I guess I wouldn't return it if I was in your shoes.
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
Sparks - I think you've nailed it. H said something a couple months ago about how I never wore the jewelry he bought me (very not true - I don't wear a lot of jewelry, but until our D was born, I would wear the necklaces he got me regulary. I cut back since she was grabbing/getting scratched/I wasn't really getting dressed up) Clearly he's had some hurt feelings in the past and he's gotten me some awesome and terrible gifts...he's definitely hit or miss and this time he did do something new. He put a lot of thought into it and was very excited about what he got me. I tucked the tags and carried it yesterday - I think it is time to cut them off.
I think I have to be careful to balance being real/honest and being too critical...I told H yesterday (he came to see the kids from 1:30-6:30, which included nap time) that I was feeling mad sometimes when he came to visit the kids and it seemed like a short amount of time. That I was surprised, since he'd been gone 6 months, that I still felt that way sometimes. I wasn't starting a fight - more a change for me that I didn't hold it in and give him the silent treatment or explode about something else later. Later, I texted him I was not complaining about our current visitation and I was proud of how far we'd come. I think he understood - it just sort of is how it is.
I think I've detached a little more. I've decided to stay home and take some part time work here and there, rather than going back full time. I was crying, a lot, and hadn't been. I've been a lot more relaxed since I decided that. I'll probably cancel cable, cut back on driving and eating out, and move somewhere cheaper (and more energy efficient) when this lease is up. I've got a couple financial emergency funds/backups, so I should be ok for the next year or two. I'm starting to get a plan in mind for what I want to do next (once the kids are a little older and ready for preschool)
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
I think those are great decisions, AJ. If you have to only carry the bag when your H is around, try it. If he sees you "enjoying" it, it will remind him of the care he took to pick it out for you. Seriously. I have gotten my W many little and big things over the last 5 years. Sometimes they hit, others missed. I may not tell her, but the misses do hit me personally.
Remember the 180s when your H is around. You really do need to watch how often you are being critical of him right now. If you are constantly negative or nagging when he is around you, it will not come off very well. Be honest with him and yourself, but try and keep it calm. Keep the mood positive.
It sounds like you are starting to create a plan that does not involve moving far away. I like this, as I think it buys you time to DB. When is your next DB coach appointment?
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
Well....I'm just not sure lately, you know? Like we're in a holding pattern. I pushed H like db coach said, saying I might move back and I'd like his thoughts.
For example, H showed up this morning by 8:30. Started some laundry, playing with kids, we went to IHOP as a family (I offered to treat, since I had said if he wasn't coming, that is where the kids and I were headed - he was offended a little and said he would pay). Then we took kids to park, ran them around trails and playground for a bit. Then we stopped in town for baked goods, went home, and I left for a bit to go to the gym. Came back, cleaned up, and rested a bit - he asked if I wanted to watch SNL. I watched a little, then left again (kids were sleeping while I was gone)to run errands. He left around 4. Just kind of status quo'ing. My mom comes tomorrow, H says he'll still come Thurs - he was going to try to avoid her, but I said I'd like to take her out to dinner.
Our son's little surgery is Weds. We'll see if that causes anything to click.
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
My son's surgery was supposed to be weds, but is now going to be on Mon, my mom is here, so we've been doing all kinds of running around. H's M is coming and staying for new surg date, so I'll probably be quiet for a few more days while I deal with company.
One thing that had me up and frustrated this week - our couple friend who H and I confided in shared too many details with another couple about or sitch. Now my H's childhood bff hates him. Fun stuff. H doesn't deserve my spreading this and neither do our kids. I trusted these people (who kept pushing and sort of stumbled onto what was happening - H barely told them anything, so they dug it out of me at christmas) - [censored]. My close gfs and immediate family who know have been like the grave. But it is what it is.
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
