Part of me feels like my W may be coming down off of her "high" and back into the real world. I may be completely off base here, but that is just my gut feeling.
Islander - I feel like I am in a similar boat. I feel like W is less energized by her decision to D, but she is still moving forward. I am trying to be as patient as I can. It may take some patience on your part, but it sounds like you are moving in the right direction.
Also - absolutely love the quote in your signature!
Really Islander , what other choice do we have in all this.
We have to wait out this crazy rollercoaster until we either move on or she comes to her senses.
No matter what, there is no quick fix. As much as we want one, we will have to go through this emotional meat grinder and hopefully come out the other end as better people.
Maybe she will be a better person in the end as well.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Hey Islander, I feel your pain man. You and 9. My own W wants to be "friends" (well, wanted to be, I think I pissed her off enough a couple months ago, she kinda doesn't want to be "friend" right now... lol). She comes in for support and then disappears, literally seconds later with attitude and appearance that I didn't even exist. It's absolutely bizarre!
And ouch... how they can just dig and twist the knife for every last drop. Yeah, it hurts. And in the moment, there's no doubt they're doing it on purpose. But as they are used to re-writing history (as WASs do), they re-write those parts as well, faster than you saw it coming. Moments after they twist the knife and you can see the smile in their face as they appreciate the pain in yours, it's like a switch goes off and they don't even remember, they really doubt and deny they just did that.
I think (really) that it is some form of human defense condition. They hurt when they are hurting us, they hurt us because they hurt, because they are angry, and they want us to know, but then they snap and don't remember it because they really are good people, and of course want to be those good people, so there is no way their minds can wrap around the truth that they just did that "to us".
So as others remind us, they do not do things "to us". We are only victims if we allow ourselves to be, if we believe we are. The moment we realize that we can control ourselves and we can stop being victims (and better at this with time and practice), it just doesn't hurt as much any more. Nerve endings generally do not grow back where the scars remain.
