Life & Curveballs

[punkin]

Babysat last night for d24, and had time for reflection.

Here's the synopsis: H cheated while on business trip he talked me out of going on, so he knew he had it in mind. He has avoided even coming back to our hometown for fear of seeing someone he knows, or having to look me in the face. All attempts to talk to H have been thwarted by OW, who is checking his emails, and for all I know, deleting them.

OW has him convinced that somehow I am the bad guy here and he the victim. He avoids talking to me at all costs. She has him right where she wants him, 80 miles away, and I have no chance. It appears that the only lengthy face to face meeting he and I are destined to have is in the courtroom, and that will be too late.

I face the fact that we are most likely destined to be divorced. I admit I made mistakes in the marriage. I also acknowledge that I still love the SOB, but could never go back to the way things were before, with his drinking, PTSD mental problems, etc.

SO , , , 2 + 2 = 4. It appears to be a simple equation when you take the emotional factor out of it, and then it becomes algebra. The unknown quotient.

Not telling anyone anything new here, just finding the lowest common denominator. ( I have no idea where all the math ref's came from this morning.)

Still holding off on sending that letter guys. I know he will not be in the right frame of mind to read and understand it. I have just over 30 days to make peace with this in my mind. I'm doing my very best.

Have a good Monday everyone.