Cautiously Optimistic

[Queen_of_Swords]

Journalling - Update
I had an activity I had to attend today. So I requested H. watch the kids longer than usual this afternoon. He was agreeable. The activity lasted a lot longer than I anticipated so I texted him. He was again agreeable. "Don't rush, should I feed the kids? Will you pick them up or should I drop them off?"

H. dropped them off shortly after I got home. He asked me about the activity, and about my other appointment that goes on midweek. He hung around her for about 40 minutes. H.is still sick and coughing hard.

I won't detail what the conversation involved. H. to me, appeared only mildly interested in what I had to say.
I was matter of fact and neighbourly.

I tell you, Where once I felt love/affection/pain/anger/sadness, I now feel like I do when I talk to a stranger. There is only recognition.

I have a desire to sit down and talk to H. and tell him not to bother coming by anymore. Just stay away.
I don't want to see him or talk to him. What's the point?
I feel I'm ready to work him out of my life as much as I can.
If I get H. to occupy fewer of my thoughts, and shrink that place that used to have his name on it in my heart, maybe he'll just disappear.
My life, my dreams, my hopes, my work are not something he wants to be a part of anyway. He still wants to be part of the kids' lives. I'm just excess baggage.

I won't give in to that desire right now. It is how I'm feeling though.