How was the fried rice? It is very positive that H remains in contact with you. If you keep being supportive towards him...you will win his heart. It is wonderful that he has booked a reservation to see D swim in a few weeks. I am very excited for your continuous steps forward. (((((Cas))))) I think if you show an extra effort over the next four weeks, we will see you extending your time table because H is going to continue to move towards you.
I am feeling very glum today. I saw H yesterday, he came to get son late in the afternoon. Son was at a friends so H waited with me. H had never told me what time he would be by to fetch son for the evening so I let son go to a friends for the afternoon. H was not annoyed at all. He came in and took off his boots and sat with me chatting for an hour.
During the chat H appeared aloof. He was not very warm to me. He wanted to know if he has a new pair of boots here and I said yes, they are winter boots. I asked H if he wanted to take them with him, he said no he'd leave them here. He had some mail and went through it and left it as well.
I was thinking on my being a bit more forward with H and felt the urge to hug him. SOOO, I asked H: "Can I hug you?" H said: "If you want to." H turned in towards me, I gave him a really long tender hug and then H pulled away. After a little while longer, I asked H: "Would you like to stay for the night with me when you bring son home?" H said: "We'll see how it goes." I did not feel good about his answer at all. BUT then, H left his mail on the counter.
I had to go pick up son at friends, I offered to drop him off at the shop to H. The whole ride took 25 minutes. H chose to wait alone at out home for me to return with son. This made me a bit nervous. H has not been alone in our home for a VERY VERY long time. It seemed weird leaving him here alone. I didn't put up a fuss. I left trying to trust H.
H brought son home at 12:15am and just dropped him off. We have not heard from H today. OW is with him, I saw her vehicle at my shop.
I went and had lunch with SIL on H's side today. She and I were always very close. I had kept my distance for about three years. Last week she initiated a meeting. SIL does not think H and I belong together. She does not like what H is doing and neither does her H (H's oldest brother). They do not like OW at all. She feels I am fighting a losing battle and that I deserve better than H. She said he will never change. I told her he has actually changed a lot. I gave her some examples I have witnessed over the past 6 years. She agreed with hesitation. She wants me to be happy and congratulated me on my progress. She feels H is very confused and possibly has deeper emotional issues. She hopes that counseling will help us, she wishes it had come sooner rather than later. I told her sooner would have been a disaster for sure. In the early days H hated me. H can admit a very different, much more loving set of emotions about me today. I told her I was hopeful but doubted it will work out for me/us.
Ladies, H is currently (as I write this) with the OW. I cannot repair my marriage if he will not stop seeing her.
The counseling worries me. H could sabotage the meetings with a very negative attitude leaving the therapist no choice but to advise a divorce is necessary. Do you all feel that H would volunteer for this assistance and pay upwards of $200 per hour to sabotage the meetings for personal gain?
As you all can see I am a bit of a mess. I am powerless to fix this anymore. Counseling will be my last effort.
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11