Cyrena- where can I find your original sitch? Did your H tell you what he did with his time when he ran? How he felt?

Is there anything I can read (preferable online) that explains from the MLCer's point of view what they go through? I am having a terrible time accepting, even though I KNOW H is messed up in the head, but it is still so hard to actually accept that he CANNOT choose to behave differently. Maybe if I could read from that perspective it would make it easier to accept. In not fully accepting that I get sucked in by anger and resentment when I think about him, which is way more often than I'd like to.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Advice?

Me- 35
H- 36
M- 7
T- 9
D3, D5
Bomb 1/21/11
EA/PA began 12/10?
Discovered A 3/2/11
S- 3/3/11
OW gone- 4/27/11
H says he wants to reconcile, but lacking action