After letting this stuff and some advice I have gotten sink in I realized that while I feel I don't have expectations I am projecting as bit of impatience.

That impatience came through and in my convo to W.

I really don't know what it looks like when I would be willing to put myself back into a relationship with her but also don't want to communicate that is not a possibility.

I have learned to be empathetic to what she is dealing with and I did forget that when we spoke.

I sent her this by email:

I have been thinking about our conversation and the one thing that sticks out to me is you saying: what I can forgive or not forgive based on what YOU would do.

or what YOU would or could forgive.

I am not you, and don't use what you think I would or wouldn't do as the excuse to justify your choice. What I will or will not do is up to ME to determine.

I know you see a big hill in front of you and it is going to be hard to climb.

I can’t help you climb it but I won’t hinder you making your way where you want to go.

Does that make sense?

You can call me anytime to talk.


She called me yesterday and I did not answer so she texted me that she had found my diploma.

I thanked her for letting me know that and asked if she had recieved my email.

She hadn't but she immediately read the above email and texted:

"Yes. I think I understand. I don't want to hinder you in any way, ever."

I texted back: "You let me worry about that. You just take care of you."

She still sees herself as a victim of her choices, other people's judgement of her, and circumstance.

I see that very clearly and expecting anything else from her right now is not productive.

So I won't.

I also realize that I am still in this thing. I still want my M and I still love my W very much.

Now.

The second thing that happened is my ExW called me on friday. I had just run into her business partner and so I thought that was probably why she was calling. She denied that she had talked to him but was calling me to invite me to have dinner with her and her parents and for me to invite my parents too.

They were going to be close to where my parents live in town.

I declined saying I had plans which I did.

I also decided that this is rediculous or at least it appears to me.

WTF?

I texted her that I would like to meet her for coffee that I would like to talk to her.

The subject: What does she want?

I know how I feel about our relationship and that is not much right now.

And I am married.

Friends?

I have friends but we are not friends we are two people that used to be married.

I want to listen to what she has to say and draw a boundary for her. I don't want her getting her parents and my mother especially (she said she was going to call my mom) thinking there is anything more of relationship going on than what we have had since being dovorced for 11 years.

Which has been amicable aquantance.

To quote a line from the Hangover:

Not up in here!

Not up in here!

I am not making this stuff up I swear...

My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am