LIS, thank you for your support and prayers. Yes, he has expressed a desire to go. A while back, he was saying that he didn't want to go, but as soon as I said, "well, I'm doing it with or without you because our friends love me and this baby and want to celebrate this even if you don't", then he said he'd go. Shortly thereafter he said he wanted his parents to attend too. So it's encouraging that he wants to go, but I'm unsure of the motivation behind his parents going. I don't know if he wants them to be there so they can be a part of our child's life, or if he wants them to be there in order to somewhat protect him. It's all very confusing. Not to mention EVERYONE is aware of the fact that we do not talk to them. So for them to show up at a major life even like a baby shower knowing we've not spoken in years is definitely going to raise some eyebrows. I have no idea how I will answer those questions (and I know there will be questions).
Yes, I think I will have to stop asking about the tracking as well. I finally found a way to manually change the location to effectively lie about wherever it says I am, so if he has figured that out as well, it's pointless to even ask. Why ask if he can lie about it, right? I thought it was a fail proof way to know what he was doing, but clearly it's not. So there's no point in driving myself crazy wondering if his location is real or fabricated.
I have a feeling he will come home tomorrow or Tuesday. I am unsure whether or not he will go to the MC tomorrow, but I feel sure he'll be home within the next 24-72 hours. I don't know why I feel like this, but I also felt like he was not going to come home when he originally said he would, and sure enough he didn't. I feel like my intuitions have been pretty spot on during most of the past few months (maybe not the wanting to leave the whole marriage part, but I definitely could sense the depression, the MLC, the fear of the baby, etc.).
I found out from his best friend yesterday that over their New Years trip, H had randomly volunteered the information about fearing being a bad father and not knowing what to do. And a month ago, H had his best friend take him to the airport and when just doing the normal "so how's everything been lately?" conversation, H also decided to randomly offer up that he was in counseling. I don't know many people who would do that. And when they met for dinner last week, best friend said that H kept going between the arguments of "well, we have things that are messed up in our marriage" and "It's really not her at all, it's all me". So I feel like these are signs that he recognizes a problem, and has the desire to have someone help him through it, but it's just so scary for him. He's most definitely ashamed of his actions. He is hiding from those who know what's going on like the plague.
In counseling we were taught that discomfort is good because it the feeling necessary for change. If people are comfortable with their behaviors, why should they change? It's not bothering them. So I'm glad that he is clearly uncomfortable. I just hope that he addresses it in a healthy way instead of continuing to spiral out of control.
