......long day, long week. I visited X-MIL 4 times this week while XH was in Mexico. He got back today. X-MIL had looked a bit "out of it" on Wednesday when I visited, but had been given a narcotic shortly before I arrived. She felt hot to the touch and her breathing was raspy. I was concerned, thinking that if X-MIL had developed an infection I should let XH and X-SIL know she was declining, but when I got a nursing assistant to take her temp, it was normal. Because X-MIL was "under the weather" on Wednesday, I stopped by after work on Thursday. She looked much better and I spoke with the RN in charge.
Fast forward to today. I planned to visit today since XH said he would return from vacay today and would see his mother tomorrow. I baked a nice potato casserole and fresh-baked bread that came out of the oven just before I left to visit X-MIL. I took kitty, some fun photo prints of XH and kitty in a leprechaun hat, some daffodils, and a daisy plant. During the week I had gradually removed dying poinsettias from her apt. and replaced them with cut flowers and flowering potted plants, to make the place cheerier. I scheduled my visit for dinner time so that I could spoon feed her.
When I arrived today with kitty, X-MIL was non-responsive and when I asked the staff what might account for that, they told me that the hospice team had changed her orders earlier that day to supportive care only. X-MIL appeared to be comatose to me. That was a big change in the last 2 days. I phoned X-SIL to ask when XH was scheduled to arrive from Mexico. I texted and left VM for XH that he should phone me when he got the message. He did. I told him what I outlined above and told him to get to his mother's place ASAP. He started crying on the phone. He arrived about 45 minutes later. He had just arrived from Mexico. We spent the next 4 hours together at X-MIL's place talking to her (she is comatose), trying to make her comfortable, and talking about her life, his grief, and a little about his vacay. When X-SIL phoned XH around 8pm, he started crying when he picked up and asked me to talk with her. I did. She wanted to know if she needed to book a flight.
A little before 10pm our time, I left with kitty. XH was still there and was going to phone his sister to discuss what they should do. It felt a bit surreal being there. My old nursing instincts kicked in and I was very supportive but not crying with X-MIL, trying to attend to her needs. There were a few times that XH looked at me in a different way. I can only guess that facing his mother's mortality makes him see things with new eyes. Not sure though. He told me that he stayed at his sister's time share in Mexico and said "we did such and such" so I am assuming that the person he was with was GF#2 but I really don't know for sure....just guessing, because if it had been someone else, he would have said their name. However, as far as I could tell, XH didn't receive any texts or VMs from GF#2 while I was there. He did receive some texts, but each time held up the phone and told me who they were from...
I feel pretty confused about XH right now............I was pretty frustrated with him during the week........frustrated that when I e-mailed him about my visits with his mother he didn't reply..........this is pretty typical for him and I just am getting sick of it. That behavior is just inconsiderate............interesting that this evening when I said to XH that I wasn't certain whether he had received my e-mails earlier because he didn't reply, he acted surprised. I said "you typically don't reply to my texts about your mother", so then he pulled out his iPhone and started scrolling through his old messages to see if he had responded to my e-mails and texts in the past. That was interesting. In spite of my frustrations I am being the supportive friend and doing what I can do for X-MIL. I don't expect her to live more than 1-3 more days. I sincerely hope that she doesn't experience too much discomfort.
When it was time for me to leave, XH hugged me and initiated a kiss. I turned my head at that time (force of habit) and the kiss landed on my cheek, even though I think XH intended it for my lips. I had kitty say good bye to X-MIL (probably the last time that will happen) and about 10 minutes later I hugged XH good-bye and kissed him on the lips. I told him that if he needed anything he should ask and told him I would check on his mother tomorrow afternoon. XH told me he would text me about changes in his mother's status.
All week long I have been feeling sad that I feel like I am losing the love that I've had for XH since the bomb. This whole situation is confusing. I really appreciate what Sanderika, Cas, and Rabbit have posted about their H's recently. It is SO wonderful to hear that those loving feelings can remain in spite of everything that has transpired in your situations. I am REALLY, REALLY happy for all of you. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you all for your messages over the past few days. I hope to respond to them some time tomorrow.
