Yesterday night, my buddy and I were just going to hang out at my house. We got a call from one of the two girls that sit below us at the hockey games asking us to come. So we went. It was great. I got to talk to one of them for a while. She just got out of a 4 year relationship. I asked her many questions about it and basicaly, she feels the same way we do. I told her that in my case, I wasn't going to date for a long time. She agreed it was the same with her. I did say that I would probably go out and have fun, but I would let the person I went out with that I would/could not get serious and it was just for fun. She was the same way. I told both her and her friend that my SBXW was going to the game tonight and they said they would be there for me. I have a feeling they might make sure it looks like I am having a better time than I am.
My W was supposed to come over today and had to postpone till tomorrow. She said she wasn't feeling well (she text me). I told her that Sunday was ok and for her to feel better. She said she hoped that she did because she has beem looking forward to going to the hockey game tonight.
I made sure I got myself some new clothes that fit (since I've lost a lot of weight). I found the perfect shirt for tonight. I am going to look good!! Other then that, not much else is going on. I did have a late dinner (midnight at Shoneys) with my bud where I broke down. It really is nice to have friends that care. He really issupportive and is on my side. I told him about all of you and how wonderful you all are. Thank you friends. You are all wonderful and special people. I pray for each of you daily.
Great Job BRian. Remember not to persue but let her see the goods that she is missing.
All the best dude.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
You got the wardrobe, the friends, and the game. Go have an awesome time. Let your WAW worry about her own self. Enjoy your life. I hope your team wins!!! Even more important, I hope you enjoy your evening and have some much needed relief from the issues bouncing around in your head.
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." - Maria Robinson
M: 45 WAW: 36 T: 17 M: 14 Kids: D9 ILYBNILWY: 6/2010 W left: 2/2011 W back: 2/2012
Ok...update from last night. I was looking good! I had such a positive attitude AND a lot of confidance. When we got there, we got in our seats and saw the two other girls that we have been talking to for a few weeks. They were sitting a little farther away from us. So, when the game starts, I started texting one of them for some reason. It went back and forth for a while with her reading my text, then looking up at me and laughing (they were still in front of us but a few rows down). I was also having loads of fun with my buddies that went with me. I guess from where my W was sitting, she could see me (I didn't know where she was sitting and didn't want to find out). My W text me near the end of the first period and asked if she could come over tomorrow (today) at 10 and for me to tell our friend to look over at her. I guess she thought I was looking for her and knew where she was. I told our friend that she wanted her to look at my W but had no idea where she was. I replied to the text that she can can come over at 10 but I wouldn't be there (church). She then replied Church, when do you leave and I will come over earlier. I responded with "I will be walking before church. You can come over and see the dogs while I am at church. I will leave some of your things on the dining room table for you.". She replied that the main reason for her coming over was to show me how to use the sprinkler system and that she will just make it another time so I could spend some time with the dog she took.
While this texting is taking place, the period ended and I went down to sit next to one of the girls to talk to her...My other buddy came down too. We were all have fun and laughing with one of the girls occasionally slapping my knee or things like that. I would hear that my wife replied and I would wait a few minutes to grab my phone (knowing she could see me). She then asked about an older hockey player if I remembered his name. I told her the name and she said he was sitting near her. I replied with an "OK" and that was it. For the rest of the night, I had fun, laughed, and just looked good.
I did eventually see where my W was sitting (almost directly in front of us on the other side of the arena). I know she could see everything from there. When the players would move the puck past the area that my W was sitting in, I would move my head with the puck but look at her. She looked bored and was playing with her phone...Other times, she was looking in my direction. I never just looked over there so she had no way to know I saw her. Her and her friend left with about 3 minutes to go in the game.
AFTER the game, the three of us (my buddy and one of my wife's friends) went out with the two ladies that we have been talking with. We ended up going to a dance club with a lot of horney young people. We talked for a bit, until the hockey players showed up then the 2 girls were over with them. I stayed where I was talking with my friends for a while until I started thinking about my W. Even though my buddy drove us, I told him I was going home and would walk to my car. And that is what I did.
Questions....Did I do the right thing here? I was showing that I was having fun and not giving my W an instant response to her texts...I was nonchalant about her visit too. And there were plenty of people at the club that know my W and I know it will get back to her I was there (I have nothing to be ashamed about either as I didn't talk to anyone but my friends). Was all of this the right play?
I know the game well Brian. You cant help it at this stage.
Everything you did this night was for your wife's benefit, not because you are trying to GAL or detaching. You would not have done half those things if it wasnt to get your wife's attention.
Im not saying that what you did is wrong at this stage, but if she doenst come around, then it is wrong imho because you are letting her indirectly control the situation.
And she may pick up on that. I think that for the most part it was good, but dont let her see through you and think that you are playing games to make her jealous.
That may backfire. Just my opinion.
Glad you had a good time though, ( that is , if you really did have a good time or felt empty when your wife left)
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
I agree with 9. IF you had a good time, yes it was the right play. BUT, if you did it just to get a reaction from your W, not so much. Now, I am not saying that if it was the later that you did the wrong thing, it's just that it won't last if it's not for you. You'll be waiting to see how your W reacts and then possibly being disappointed with the results. Then you'll slip. I know this all too well.
I hope you did have a good time. Sounds like a good night.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Thanks 9 and Country...I did have an amazing time. The two girls knew of my situation and I even text them to where she was sitting. If I was still with my wife, the only things I would have done differently was not be as social with those girls (wouldn't have text them or talked to them as much) and would not have gone to the club afterwards.
Part of me wanted my W to see that I can have a good time without her. But I do worry that it would do the opposite and have her think that I don't want her. I don't know...
I agree with 9 & Country. It would have been an excellent play if your W had NOT been there. Everything I have learned so far has taught me to make sure it's for me, and not to try to show my W what I am doing and try to get a reaction. If I try to get a reaction, I am almost always disappointed.
You did some good things in there. You weren't looking constantly for your W and you were nochalant about replying to her texts and being available on Sunday morning.
I just got back from my lawyers office and she gave me some changes to send to her lawyer.
When I got back to my desk, I had an email (with no subject) from my W. No good morning, hello, how are you..nothing. Just "I need some money to pay for my daughter's car insurance". I responded with "Good morning to you too!" and then asked how much she needed. She responded with the amount and that she didn't expect it (because I made her take her daughter's insurance with her!). She also said she didn't expect to pay her car payment (daughter doesn't have a job yet). The last line of the email was "And good morning, sorry to hit you with this".
I agreed to pay it and told her to at least be cordial with me.
She sent another email about the game on Saturday. She said she waived at me but guesses I didn't see her. Well, I didn't see her wave. I told her that I didn't, but her friend told me where they were the next day.
No response to me transfering her the money. I wonder if Saturday night pissed her off. Oh well, nothing I can control!
