I need to focus on the behaviors, both mine and his.
Baby steps: 1. He is still responding to my communication efforts (when they happen). 2. He is very compliant with my requests. 3. I have not spoken with him since last Friday. 4. I did contact him Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, but the time between Thursday and Friday was almost a full 36 hours. 5. I am making plans for this weekend and next. 6. I went to the couples therapist, my therapist, and intend to go to the couples therapist again with or without him on Monday. 7. I signed up for the baby class.
Goals: 1. Go to the baby class with or without H. Notify him on Tuesday morning of the time/date and tell him, "I'm going. You can come or not, it's your decision, but it's paid for regardless" 2. Send him an email on Monday morning reminding him of the session at 5:30. Again say, "You are welcome to come if you want, I am going regardless of your decision." 3. Call his parents on Tuesday if they have not called me. I have been very respectful over the years to not contact them without specific permission from H, and it's about time I made my own decisions on this matter. I am an adult, they are adults and this is my child we will be discussing. I do not need his permission to speak with them. I will not bring up H's behavior, I will stick to the child. 4. Continue to take my meds and eat. And I need to go to the grocery store. I realized I've not been since this whole thing started over a month ago.
I am unsure what do to about the shower. I want to tell him that I do not wish for him to come to the shower on the 9th if that is the first time he intends on seeing me and our hosts (whom he's also been avoiding). It is very rude and disrespectful to show up and pretend everything is ok. If he cannot handle having adult interactions before the party, he is unwelcome. At the same time, I wonder if this is putting to much of a demand on him seeing as he so desperately needs to have no demands at all at this time. I feel like it's a boundary for me though. You can do what you need to do to get yourself where you need to be, but for me to be happy and healthy, I will not allow you to walk all over me and do whatever you please. I'm not forcing him into doing something, but rather making my expectations known. I am not trying to take away his choice to see me or not, but I don't want him taking away my comfort either. If he can't even hold a conversation with me in private, how will he handle being in a public setting? Thoughts?
