Cas, Yeah! It sounds like things are building slowly.
I think SLOWLY is key here GAG. I think this is all H can manage and to be honest my insistence that OW be gone put us back quite a few steps and has ensured that we are at very slow. H has acknowledged this and he says he doesn't want either him or me to go through the upset I felt last weekend. I have to work very hard at keeping my emotions and anxieties in check now so that he doesn't feel overwhelmed.
H is working very hard with D. He's been studying with her and driving her to school so she can sleep a little later. Tonight they are going to the football together. The other night I was driving back from work and he text me to tell me D's maths exam result. That was a first! he would have been delighted because he had been studying with her and she got 100%.
I can see the AoS are efforts on his part to reach out to me. His interactions with me on skype/text tend to start with inquiries about D. They are not overly personal. However, his efforts to reach out indicate some connection, I guess. Last night he text me quite late and then apologised because he didn't realise how late it was.
Originally Posted By: goodattitudegirl
Good for you for being SOOOOOO patient. I'm PROUD of you! It must be somewhat hard to wait for H to initiate, but this way you will know that it is his choice.
I am so impatient but I don't see there is another choice here. H insists that I need to listen to him and accept that this is unfolding as it should. It's hard to leave him in charge when he's totally stuffed things up in so many ways over the past few years. He knows I'm an impatient person (in this regard but not usually) and he also knows that I am not sitting here waiting indefinitely. He says he understands that. Like you say GAG, it is his choice to initiate and then H can't say I pressured him. I think in his mind, once he steps over that line to 'working on things' with me, there's no going back because of our children and family and friends. He knows it has to be right so that's why he has to take all the time he needs now. All his fears need to be lined up and faced.
My fear is that this gives him time to 'chicken out' again but I certainly don't want him if he's not absolutely sure this is right for him and us. I am just tired of the limbo again and fearful, too that I am investing more time for something that may amount to nothing more than being civil (and hurt again)
Originally Posted By: goodattitudegirl
When is the swim meet at which H will see your mother?
Mid April. Given the fact that H has mentioned my parents numerous times, that H always had such a positive relationship with my parents until the A (and he acknowledges that it's up to him to fix this) and that I have a very close bond with my parents(they live 5 mins away so I see them all the time) I think this time will definitely help H's decision one way or another. Mum and H will have 3 days together cheering on D.
Originally Posted By: goodattitudegirl
I like your reply to Sanderika. You always have good insights on things. What you said about her H's actions after his vacay helped me to think about my situation differently.
Thanks GAG, I'm glad something seemed to click for you. I always see others as insightful and wonder how I could not have recognised what they saw!!
Nearly time for a new thread. Need to think of a phrase that aptly sums up where I am at (and Sanderika too)
It must be somewhat hard to wait for H to initiate, but this way you will know that it is his choice.