Been awhile since I posted, so here I go. I'm not exactly sure what has brought about this change but I do have an idea and I will get to it shortly. The change is the amount of contact my W has been initiating. Pics, texts, calls have all been very frequent lately. I would be lying if I said I did't enjoy it. However, I am using my best self restraint to DB and keep the positive changes rolling. I am upbeat on the phone, don't always respond to texts, and when I do she has been very quick to reply. Without being rude I always try to make sure she sends the last text. it seems to be working. I saw my W on saturday morning when I went to get my D2. My D2 wasn't quite done with breakfast and my W invited me to have some coffee with her. We sat and had a very upbeat convo even after our D2 was done eating. I did't want to linger long, so I gathered my D2 things and was preparing to leave. My W wanted to show me pics of the circus and other things they had been up to when she had her. I enjoyed the pics, we had a few laughs through em. Finally left. My D2 and I had some fun plans on sat. I decided that even though the morning went great, I wasn't going to initiate any contact. Nothing from her all day either. My dog has an infection in his ear and was up all night. So sunday morning it was off to the vet. While I was there my wife sent me a pic of our D2 new potty seat. We are planning on starting her on that next weekend. I replyed that it looked cool and I would buy the same one so it would be less confusing for her. I also told her we were at the vet. This started a lot of back and forth texting about our dog, our D2, and she was sending lots of info about her weekend and her new labtop. This actually went on most of the day.
Today she called me on her way home. She has off work on friday and I am dropping our D2 off by her. She wanted to know if I could come a little earlyn I said fine. She then began to tell about her labtop, her weekend, etc.... I did talk a lot too. I ended the convo bc I had to get to my second job and didn't want to run late.
She texted me that our D2 had used the potty for the first time tonight and that she wanted me to call her when I got done so she could tell me the story. I did after work. I talked to both her and my D2 for awhile then I wished em both a good night and ended the convo. Once again I would be lying if I said I did,kt enjoy a lot of this, but I also don't want false hope. To keep myself grounded I just think of how I have been fooled in the past and how much it hurt. Keeping my guard up.
Alright my thoughts on why all the change. When my W called me the day after our big fight and we talked. She told me that her brother was gonna be a daddy from his ex-girlfriend. This was unexpected and causing a lot of stress in her family. Now on friday night I volunteered at the american legion fish fry with my W BIL and our FIL, something I began doing a long time ago. Anyways he informs me that her sister and him are also expecting. Here's why think this may relate. When we decided to have kids we wanted our second to come along about the time our first would be 3, which is in October. Last summer when my W and I were trying to work on things, she asked me about having another baby soon. I know she wants more kids and she knows I do to. Seeing her sister doing this might just make her wonder if she really wants to let our family go. It seems like all of our friends are either getting married, just got married, pregnant, or just had a baby. We are just at that age.
I want her to want our dreams back as bad as I do. With all this going on and her contact, it is hard not to start a R talk. I must remain patient. I hope I'm on the right track here BITS. Any advice??
Your W's contact with you sounds similar to my W. I just caution you to not necessarily assume it is due to a change of heart. I am not saying it is not positive, I am just saying to not overreact. Keep the positives going and take it slow.
I know with my W I go from thinking she may be reaching out to me to thinking that maybe she is just so far gone she doesn’t even think about it. Truth is, IDK.
Keep your expectations in check and take it for what it is. Let the positives fuel you, not consume you.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Country I like your last quote, "let the positives fuel you, not consume you." I know how easy it is for W's like ours to play with our minds. We gotta remember to stay unpredictable and dim.
Iw, I agree with Country. Just enjoy it for what it is, open communication. Don't put anything more into it than that. I am happy that she is opening up to you, but be careful. You are correct. You have no idea what she is up to and you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. Just continue to DB and let it go at that. If she is the one to initiate R talk, then you will know it is time to open that conversation.
Hang in there, buddy!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Patience, Patience, Patience!! Never been a strong point of mine, but as all of us know, people change. How weird this is. I feel like I'm waiting for a train to come, without actually knowing if it is coming at all. Hell maybe a train is coming and I'm strapped to the tracks, I just don't know it yet.
I had my D2 last night. N contact from my W at all yesterday. However, this morning when I was getting ready for work, my phone rang. I was in another roomso I decided to not get it. A few minutes later I checked it and saw it was her. We are having bad weather so I called back to make sure she was ok since I knew she was on the road at this time. She answered right away. She told me she was calling bc she missed our D2 and wanted to speak with her. They talked for a couple of minutes. When they were done we had a short good convo with some laughs. I ended the convo bc I had to get ready for work. I have remained dark the rest of the day.
I have my D2 again tonite. My W just called to confirm what time I am going to drop her off tomorrow. The convo went from on from there. We talked about some mutual friends and share some laughs. I let her talk to our D2, I know she likes that.
My problem is that while I feel I am positive when we talk, I think I am being a little to upbeat. I'm afraid I may be coming across as desperate, the worst thing I could. I think I need to tone it back a little.
Dropped off my D2 at my MIL house this morning, that is were my W is living. The whole time it was upbeat and fun. Our interaction has stayed consistent.
My day was going good. She texted me that a plastic tub that I brought over of her clothes was the wrong one. I will be gone all weekend and told her to she could come look for it herself. She said she is helping her grandma move this weekend. I said I will keep an eye out for it bc I planned on cleaning the basement soon. Now here's the dagger. She wrote back and said she would help bc that way we could seperate our things. I know I shouldn't let it get to me but it did.
Don't think too much about it, is what it is. Yeah, easy for me to say...
I was sooooo close to getting out of there with none of that R talk. So close. I mean I said "I have to be going." But no. She has to bring up the house......
Anyways, just wanted to drop in and say hi. Keep up the positive spirit man. We need it regardless.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
