Basic Question

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I remember you Ali and I am glad that you are doing so very well. : )

I guess I can see why this might be seen as...manipulative.

So I'll use an example from my own life in piecing.

My wife, simply put is a work-a-holic.

My long range goal has been to get her home earlier and be around our boys more at night. A side part of that is to focus on the boys and not spend the first hour she is home talking about work.

Intead of 8-8:30 she has been coming home at 6:30-7. I have adjusted dinner to be ready by 7:30. I thank her when she does this.

When she talks about work, I do listen, when it starts going long, I ask her if she can tell me more when the boys are in bed because our youngest still needs to do his reading excercises. If she is almost done, she'll tell me and She finishes, if she has a lot more, she'll wait until our boys are in bed.

That's the subtle part....manipulative I suppose.

We have also talked directly about this desire and want for our family, and she is on board, just needs the reminders at times, those are her words.

When she does work late, I know it is because there is a deadline, and I don't get upset or passive aggresive. She calls more often than not and asks if I am ok with it. If it is going to really be late, I sometimes bring her dinner and the boys and we walk around the Zoo after everyone else has gone. Which BTW is beyond cool.

I see setting realtionship goals, as an forgotten tool in the tool box, and one that can be very helpful.

Like the other tools, it gets modified a bit when piecing. In so much that you aren't doing it without your spouses knowledge. Sometimes you are, but maybe the better word is...your using it with their understand, consent or approval.