New Miserable Person - WAW

[zengypsy]

Brian....

9 is spot on and whether the WAS has an affair or not, there is NEVER an acceptable reason to just walk out - at least IMHO.

I am in the same struggle as you are in terms of having my H see the new and improved me because he lives in NJ and we don't really communicate. Having said that, someone on here said that you can have those actions shine thru your conversations. I believe that to be true because you can react to ANY conversation you had with your S as you have in the past, or you can react differently. They will take notice. So ALWAYS remember that.

When I spoke to my H on Monday night about taxes, it was the first time I spoke to him on the phone since Nov. (that has been the last time I saw him). At every opp that I had, I made sure that I asked him to help with some decisions, I thanked him for plugging in my W2 info and told him I noticed he had done that etc. It's doing something different. I was such a control freak in my M; we def were not working as a team thanks to me. Had I recognized this sooner, I could've taken alot of unnecessary stress off myself and I believe I could've saved my M.

Can I still save it even after my D? I believe that I can. As I have said, we have to come to accept that the old M wasn't working and that it has to end to hopefully start growing some healthy roots again.

I know Brian that you are hurting. I wanted to die when I got served. My whole world came crashing down around me and I felt 100% guilt 24/7. But, with a great C, Michele's book and this forum, I am SO much healthier that my H is the one who is missing out on a great person. When you've been doing this behavior mod stuff over a long period of time, you realize that it becomes a way of life and the old Brian you knew is so fragmented that you won't remember him. And that's good!

We are here for you and stay strong.