It's Time To Rock; Part II

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Well guys, it ended up being a more eventful meeting than I was expecting. We did sit down and have a cup of coffee together. We sat there and had some casual chit chat for a while. We run into SIL who is pregnant, I mentioned recently that they just found out they are giving another girl. That was kind of awkward. But after SIL left, neither W or I said a thing about it.

So after some time of casual conversation that went well, I decided to end the meeting (or so I thought) saying I had to be getting off to work. Then….

She brings up the house. Asking what we need to do to get moving on selling it. Telling me how tight it is financially for her to be splitting the mortgage and paying rent for her apartment. I validated her concern. Things progressed from there. It turned to her decision to leave our M. I know I probably said too much. I told her the ball is in her court, saying I would still prefer to work on our M. She started getting emotional, she began a quiet cry. She complimented me on how well I have handled the situation. She told me how hard this was on her, I validated. I go on to probably saying too much. I told her the line of starting a new M together. I mentioned how much I have learned, how much work a M takes, and how much differently I would treat a new M with her. She said at one point “there are too many ghosts in the closet.” Whatever that means. I don’t think she believes I could ever actually forgive her for her A. I did mention how I take responsibility for my part in getting us to this situation. I asked if she could forgive me for my part. She said she has forgiven me. When talking about her feelings and her decision to leave, she said “nothing has changed.” Everything she told me I told her I understood. I validated everything she said, I do not think I tried to disagree with anything, but I do feel like I may have shown my cards a little too much.

She continued to mention that we need to move forward, she is also feeling like we are in limbo, the difference being she still sees the way out of limbo as D. She mentioned “closure.”

She was crying more by the end. She said how sorry she was for doing this. We walked to the car, I strapped our D in her seat. My W was in the driver seat, but then opened the door back up. I walked up to the door, and a couple more things were said. Then I probably made a huge error. I went in and kissed her on the cheek and the forehead. She saw me come in and she made sure to turn her head, making sure it was not a kiss on the lips. I held her for a second, and then said “take care W.” She was really crying at this point. And we parted ways.

This was the first time since the beginning we have had anything like this. She finally showed emotion. I was able to stay strong. I did not cry and I stayed with an empathetic tone in my voice. I know I probably did say too much, but I also took every opportunity to simply listen and validate.

In the end, she does still feel like her decision is final. She has made up her mind and is not coming back. But I also saw how hard this was on her. She has not yet found that great happiness she is looking for. Minds can change, but I know it will not happen anytime soon. I could see this pushing her to file soon now, so I will be prepared for it.

I need to pull way back after this. She needs some serious time to let all of this simmer. I saw in her eyes how torn up she is. It gives me some motivation, but it also hurts very badly. I hate to see her this way, and it also makes me realize how final this is to her. Overall, I guess I left very confused, sad and deflated.