MLC for dummies - for the newbies in MLCland

[TAMF]

Ok everyone, my H is in a place where he has totally accepted that he is in MLC. He has read tons of things that I have read and researched. He agrees with all of it, even though he is STILL at a place where he doesn't know WHY. He keeps looking at me and asking WHY, WHY, WHY.

I tell him that only he can answer that question.

So, because H and I are such good friends and both of us have repeated over and over that we need to keep our sense of humor. I gave him a copy of MLC for dummies. before he read it I said, "this is FUNNY - well at least it is funny to ME!"

He read the very first paragraph and he looks at me and says,"I guess I started with #1 didn't I"

I smiled and said yep! He read the whole thing and said that it was funny, but really sad because it is all true. He commented that it was wierd to think that there were so many other people out there that were going through the same thing he was.

But I will tell you this - up until my H hit rock bottom and he realized all of the horrible things he has done and is still doing and that they are all his fault and that he finally realized there is something wrong with him. I never would have been able to show him this article. he would have said it was stupid and he hadn't done any of those things.

The "fog" does lift, but slowly. Be prepared when it does lift and they become aware of the damage they have done. It is a horrible thing to see them beat themselves up and SEE the horrified guilt in thier eyes. When they look at you with tears in thier eyes and from thier soul ask WHY.

Problem I am facing now is that even though H is now aware and admits he is in MLC. He doesn't know how to move forward from here. He is still sooooooo confused, and of-course he finds it hard to let go of his self-medication which is drinking and the OW.

But the first step is admitting you have a problem, right?

boy let me tell you...it is FREAKING hard to sit there and know that they are finally aware and yet they STILL can't get rid of the OW. He doesn't spend any time with her that is for sure (he is always home!), but the emotional attachment via text is still strong. This is almost harder to deal with.

One day at a time.