Crying hard right now...Been cleaning up a closet and found a couple of houndred photo's. My wife is so beautiful. I hate what I've done to our marriage.
I went to see her best friend today to give her some DVD's I made her. We ended up talking about everything. She can't believe how my W is so easily going through with this when it's obvious how much of a change is being made. I told her that I'm sure the OM is a big part of her leaving. She told me that my W seems extremely happy and can't understand how when she is doing this to me. I guess when you have a new relationship, the newness of that will do it.
She has asked my wife why she doesn't try to work it out. MY W told her that she is afraid if she does, then she would end up staying for a few more years. Based on that, she thinks I will revert to what I was (and I don't blame her). Actions will prove otherwise. She did say that my W told her she just doesnt have it in her anymore to try. It kind of contradicts some of the other things she has said (100%/50% theory)
I asked her friend to be there for my W when her new friend turns to romance. Those things never last and she will need her friend when it eventually ends. After talking with me, she see's the same and is disappointed with my W. I told her that when all of this goes down, to let my W know that it doesn't matter what she does, who she does, or t.he financial situation...I will be there because all I care about besides fixing me is her.
Her friend felt hurt that my W was leaning on this guy as much instead of on her. I ended up telling her my plans and that I thought my W missed me and that is why she has been texting me and is coming over the "see the dogs". Of course, she hasn't had any contact with me at all today. That will be the second time in 15+ years.
I am trying to hang in there tonight. I have had some bad thoughts but pushed them out of my head.
Tammy, wherever you are tonight...I love you with all of my heart and will wait for you till Jesus returns. You are best friend and you make me whole. I miss you.
