Agree with MrBond - If H left again in a month, you have to be ready to be strong, have friends and a support network, and be able to go on with your life. The things you see in yourself that need fixed should be fixed, but for YOU, not him. He's got his own crap he needs to fix. You need to deal with feeling suicidal and like you have no one except for him.
Coming here was a good start to that. Can you find a church group or a club or a mom's group that you can use to make some new friends? Preferably women, so you are less tempted to connect with another guy to get back at H.
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
