It's Time To Rock; Part II

[Busting Mode]

Country,

1. What is an ultimate goal or target you are really excited about achieving for yourself?
2. What is the next important goal or milestone along the way towards that target?

3. What is an ultimate goal or target you are really excited about achieving in your relationship?
4. What is the next important goal or milestone along the way towards that target?


If you show me yours I'll show you mine.

[ninelives]

I tell you guys this DB is soo effed up at times. Sometimes you think you have a handle on it and then it blows up in your face.

Country I dont think I can advise you anymore cause I dont know what works and what doent event though each sitcy is different.

ARRRRRRGGGHHHHHH!

9

[♪CS♪]

Country,

1. What is an ultimate goal or target you are really excited about achieving for yourself?
2. What is the next important goal or milestone along the way towards that target?

3. What is an ultimate goal or target you are really excited about achieving in your relationship?
4. What is the next important goal or milestone along the way towards that target?


If you show me yours I'll show you mine.

Good questions Busting, I’ll do my best.

1. I think the thing I am looking most forward to right now is my renewed interest in guitar. I think my ultimate goal here is first to simply get to the spot where I am happy with my play. But after that I would really enjoy finding some other people to play with and maybe even do some gigs.

2. It is a continual progression. I need to stay motivated and continue to practice.

3. Ultimate goal? An extremely happy and fulfilling M. Another child, and a long and happy life together as a family.

4. This is what is so hard. The ultimate goal is easy to define. The small goals that are necessary along the way are harder to define. The first thing that comes to mind is that I would like to have her express even the smallest amount of doubt to me. It’s hard to know what the next step should be though. She isn’t expressing anger towards me, so what would the next logical progression be? I really don’t know. All I can do is my part in this anyways. I am actually pretty happy with the way I have behaved around her. This is all I can really do. She will define what the next step is. Either one that brings us closer to D, or maybe one that brings us closer to reconciliation.

[Busting Mode]

Great job Country,

I like how you have given yourself an idea of the directions you are heading in.

One thing I might suggest is making your goals a little more specific and measurable. For example, with your guitar, how will you know when you are "happy with your play". What will tell you that?

Similarly, if your ultimate goal is to have "a long happy life together", well the only way you can actually measure a goal like that is at the very end of your life. That's not very practical. Being happy together works as a path or purpose, but IMHO it's not precise or targeted enough to be effective as a goal.

I'm feeling pretty bummed out right now because Wife just told me she didn't like her DB counseling session, and prior to hearing that, my next goal was to get us into counseling together, so I'm gonna follow your lead and set some clear new targets of my own over in my thread.

At the very least, giving ourselves specific things to work towards will help keep us focused, improving, moving forward and enjoying no matter what the outcome.

peace.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Denver.
I appreciate your perspective on things. I agree with with you that each of us knows our spouses the best.

I remember in my sitch where I posted that I was going to buy flowers for my W after we had our first date in over a year. Everyone told me it was more persuing. I trusted my gut on it and bought her flowers
She responded quite well, telling me she really needed that.

So I do understand where your coming from.

There isdifferent ways of going NC/ dark and dropping the rope.

If done in a respectful way it affective. That's what I'm preaching.

CS reads too much into his W's actions and he allows it to affect his mood. That's the rollercoaster ride people talk about.

Just when you think something's going your way the WAW changes direction.

We can't be affected by the WAW crappy behavior.
We need to remove ourselves from the situation and allow them to deal with their own feelings.
This is where validation is so effective.

Women want to be heard not fixed.

CS needs to continue to work on himself and GAL.
Learn about what attracts women and have self love.

If we can't love you we are then how can we expect someone else to love us?

"She isn’t expressing anger towards me, so what would the next logical progression be?"

After anger come forgiveness.

Men think logically, women are led by feelings and emotions.
gr8

[♪CS♪]

Thanks for the post gr8, I agree with everything you said. I think I am moving in the right direction, just need to keep pushing forward. I know there will be more setbacks along the way, just need to deal with those as they come.

Just on a side note, continuing my over analytical ways... It would appear my comment the other night did make an impact on W. Last night was the first in weeks where I had our D and I received no text from W asking about her or requesting pics.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

cs.
you would be to your benefit
NOT to analyze her actions. thats where
you find yourself riding the
rollercoaster. she has the mind set
of a 17 yo right now. she will
flip flop back and forth with her
emotions.
its not your job to save her.
stay strong.
gr8

[PEI]

Women want to be heard not fixed.

BINGO.

Not heard and then fixed.
Not heard and dismissed.
Not heard and contradicted.

Just heard.

We think outloud.

Remember this one guys.
It's a biggie.

Peace
PEI

PS ... Hi ya GR8! Long time not talk! Hope things are well

[♪CS♪]

cs.
you would be to your benefit
NOT to analyze her actions. thats where
you find yourself riding the
rollercoaster. she has the mind set
of a 17 yo right now. she will
flip flop back and forth with her
emotions.
its not your job to save her.
stay strong.
gr8

Trust me, I know. I just find that one hard to stop. It is not an excuse, but it is in my nature to be analytical. It is something I need to work on.


Hey PEI, always nice to get a new perspective, thanks for joining in my craziness....

[♪CS♪]

Well, we are going to have our rare face-to-face tomorrow morning. She has a change in her schedule so instead of our D going to daycare this morning we are meeting to exchange D. We are meeting at Starbucks so there might be a little coffee and chit chat time. We'll see. If so, I'll be a charming SOB...