Standing for my live-in MLC'er/WAS

[angel61]

After going through an intense period where I had to literally hold on to my seat to stop myself from confronting my H and just giving up, I am coming into a new phase.

For some reason ( St. John's Wort maybe? Acceptance? Exhaustion? Finally learning detachment?) I find myself reacting less and less to H, seeing more clearly the wrong things I say or do, seeing when I am giving in to impulses that are not contributing to making the R better, able to top myself more when I feel the impulse to snoop and knowing why I do so. I find more and more solace in prayer, and I feel my Faith getting stronger, my belief that my marriage will be restored firm.

I have started to look at the Rejoice ministries website and find that their outlook on divorce and standing resonates with me.

I have become a "stander".

[tadpole1025]

I feel that way too sometimes Angel. My problem is that I can't feel that way all of the time. Maybe I'll get there someday.

Wishing you the best,

Tad

[angel61]

HI Tad,

It is a slow process. It is a matter of realizing things, and not fighting them. So many times I had thought I was there. But no, even now, I know that I am just on my way.

Here is something I found about standing:

A STANDERS AFFIRMATION

I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!... I will not give up, give in, give out or give over 'til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad...so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down 'til the breakdown is torn down!
I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous... nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word, violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!
In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's faithfulness.
I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.
I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed.

[tadpole1025]

Wow. I'm printing that baby and posting it on my wall.

Tad

[angel61]

Go for it!

[courageous wife]

I have never seen this before Angel! Thanks for posting!

(((hugs)))

[angel61]

I could feel the change in my reactions to my H after I have decided to take a hard line "stander" attitude.

Its like I suddenly realized what it means to not react, to just let go of the situation, to let the Lord do His work on him and on the M.

I still try to control the sitch every now and then, but it no longer is that hard to turn around and let it go, and it no longer hurts as much either.Like last night, when H mentioned that his ex-boss (who is now OW's boss) is throwing a party during one of the convention nights, and he is going, I tried to get him to bring me. He balked, and so I let go and told him that its OK, no problem. He was cheerful and warm to me the rest of he evening.

I want to get to that point where I don't even try to control anymore.

[Walking]

Hi Angel

I want to get to that point where I don't even try to control anymore.

You will ... and eventually that understanding will seep into every aspect of your life and you will be amazed at the difference it makes to your life.

When we learn to control our emotions, we take control of our life. It's very powerful.

Keep at it.

((hugs))

[angel61]

We are now at the convention in OW's city. I haven't seen OW around, and I don't know if H has met up with her yet.

Anyways, I'm telling myself - whatever. He can do what he wants.

Take the spotlight away from me and let it shine on her.

I will just try to enjoy myself.

And look good.

And be sparkly and noticeable. I was speaking with 3 of H's male coworkers at the hotel lobby and I made the effort to make good conversation, come across as very knowledgeable and witty (wonder if I managed to do that?) while H sat quietly observing us.....

I don't know why but I felt the need to come across as accomplished and confident. Maybe my ego has taken such a beating with H that I just have to pull myself up.

[MrBond]

"I felt the need to come across as accomplished and confident."

That's exactly what you need to do.