PINCH ME of HIT ME with a 2x4

[2stepboogie]

I told her that i need to be invisible to her

9 Don't advertise it. Just do it.

I believe she is close to hating me NOW.

I don't think so at all but if she does you are helping her get there with the anger and temper. You want to argue logics and common sense with someone who right now is thinking only with emotions. She opened up to you on Sunday A LOT you jumped in both feet first. Now she did a massive pull back and you are feeling the effects. You know the playbook 9 why are you refusing to follow it.

I told her today that I am going beyond dark, I want to be invisible to her.

Again telling her what you are going to do. 9 you are reacting to everything she does and threaten what you will do. DB is not about doing to get something it’s about working on yourself taking a long hard look at yourself and killing those things that helped end your M. Right now what I see is a lot of anger on your part and some posturing. Look man I understand the frustration, I really do, you also have another layer which is OM but YOU have decided to go down this path for yourself so just do it.

She said that she was only remembering unhappy times.

Until you become the better option that is what she will replay in her mind. Everytime you have an outburst or apply that pressure that is what she remembers.

I hope so boys cause Im in a crappy place right now. Dont know why she gets so angry

I know you are in a crappy place 9 we all are man. Hang in there and ten years from will you be able to look back and say I did all I could do? Calm seas never made a skillful sailor. Ever heard that saying?

This is like the ultimate chess game only its not really a game. Live for you and the kids. Enjoy them and enjoy life and you will see some serious response from her. Do these things for you. Remove her from your thought and take it one day at time. It is hard and it is long but we are here for you now and always.

A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them

[Brian in Hville]

9,

Get the NUTS book. It really has some good tips on arguing and other areas like that. Hang in there buddy. You have the strength to do this!

[PEI]

9,

You got some great advice from 2step right there ^^^ ... read and reread what he's saying to you.

You will serve yourself well if you try to RESPOND instead of REACT to situations. Reactions are emotionally driven, responses are logic and calm driven. Your feelings are all over the map, and that is completely understandable ... but they are YOUR feelings and you are the only one who can control them. Letting them drive your behaviour and reactions will not serve you well. Take a deep breath, and ground yourself.

As hard as it may be to hear ... she is not doing this TO you. She is doing it FOR herself.

Peace
PEI

[ninelives]

Thanks 2 Step, country PeI and Islander and Brian ,hope i didnt miss anyone.

Excellent post 2 step . I have read it twice. I am able to stay calm with her until she raises her voice with anger and then starts firing bullets in which case, SHE tells ME to calm down when I am not raising my voice. Still its something I have to work on.

I dont feel good the way things were left and I wrote a note which Im not sure whether to send with son as he walks the dog.

I know its not dark but just one last thing:

NOte:

Wife:

Yesterday was another round of WTF.

First, I was surprised to see the van in my driveway. This should not happen. If there was an accident with the dog crapping , It is up to US to deal with it.

I dont want to fight wiht you anymore ever again. Those days should be over. I need you to respect my boundries.

I was out of line on a few issues. Yes you should be allowed to have the dog from time to time but I dont want you coming to the house to get her. So I guess that leaves it up to oldest son to take her there.
I will make hido it from time to time but if he cant, then I think we have to respect that. He is almost an adult and entitled to his own feelings; whether we like them or not.

Going to your home town thing. I think your brother and I got caught up in a little emotion. I want to try and make up for some of the things I did wrong. Not going to see his house was wrong . As wrong as wrong can be. But I think you are mistaken by saying that this is no longer my business. If it upsets you too much, I will honour your wishes but in time, If he still has the invite, I want and NEED to do this for me and for him. If it is not important to him, then I will not go where I am not wanted.

As for the first plane ride; I think we were both being immature about that. I would love to be able to do that as I know you wuld so we will have to solve that in the future with a solution not emersed in emotion but sound common sense. Something that got away from both of us yesterday.

I dont want to think or respond with emotion any more. Sometimes when i feel it rising to the surface, I want to disengage and resume when I am calmer. You are the only person that seems to be able to push my buttons but I want that to stop. I want to get to a stage where I will not respond with emotion; especially anger, and be calm.

If you start throwing darts like " my house is disgusting etc.. I think its in OUR best interests to end the conversation as no good can come from that.



Well, do I send that with son or not? Just addresses some of the things we talked about yesterday.

9

[2stepboogie]

NO

[ninelives]

I will respect that 2 step. Thanks man. You guys are a godsend.

9

[♪CS♪]

NO

^^^^^

[islander]

Do not send it.

I think it was a good letter to write yourself 9, and you can learn from it.

[2stepboogie]

There are so many baiting comments in this note my head is spinning. Shall I point them out? Ok I will

First, I was surprised to see the van in my driveway.

Seems like nothing right. IMO any time you start a letter like this you are dictating. When you dictate you take on a role of superiority. Again just my opinion.

This should not happen

Why? I might be missing this 9 if I am sorry. Have you asked her not to come by? Can you clarify?

I dont want to fight wiht you anymore ever again

Such a powerful word. Actions not words 9. That is what matters. Just don't.

But I think you are mistaken by saying that this is no longer my business.

It is her brother right? I think you can say the same thing in two different ways and get two different responses. I get your point. Will she?

I think we were both being immature about that

9 she will act immature at times because she thinks and acts out of emotions. You need to get passed that and think before you react. He who angers you controls you. Is she controlling you?

I dont want to think or respond with emotion any more. Sometimes when i feel it rising to the surface, I want to disengage and resume when I am calmer. You are the only person that seems to be able to push my buttons but I want that to stop. I want to get to a stage where I will not respond with emotion; especially anger, and be calm.

Talk is cheap buddy. Let your actions be your voice.

If you start throwing darts like " my house is disgusting etc.. I think its in OUR best interests to end the conversation as no good can come from that.

'I would appreciate it if we can both treat each other with respect and dignity. I apologize for escalating the situation and I am sorry it got out of hand'

Nice and simple. JMHO

[PEI]

9

I wrote a lot (shush Mach if you're reading!) ... I wrote here ... I wrote in journals ... whatever it took to get it OUT of me. But that's where it stops. I even went so far as to get a journal and tape his picture inside the front cover ... I wrote to that journal as if I was saying it to his face LMAO. But it works.

Good choice in not sending it.

Good to recognize that you have work to do re staying calm too. Focus on that ... google techniques, breathe, try yoga, meditation, whatever it takes.

Also a good time to try to wrap your head around the fact there many be more WTF than not ... it's <unfortunately> par for the course.

Hang in there my fellow Canuck ... keep diggin'

Peace
PEI