Looking for BITS. I'm OnMyWay

[PEI]

Hey there OMW,

First of all ... you are on the right track, keep posting and tweaking ... remember to do what works!

With that ... now a few thoughts ...

First, you were never a trophy to me, period. No discussion on that. Yes, our relationship [censored]. We have our issues and disagree on many topics, but I never saw you as my "prize" or the girl to strut around on my arm.

While I COMPLETELY understand you wanting to say this because it's true and you never meant to make her feel this way ... this statement doesn't validate her feelings. Regardless of how you MEANT to make her feel, her feelings were very real and valid. Try practising validation statements and replace the need to defend or explain yourself with them. Try "I'm sorry you feel/felt that way" and a simple "I understand" often do the trick. You can practise on everyone ... I often use it with my kids

Also, forgiving someone for something they've done is really for YOU. I once heard it said that "resentment is like a poison we drink expecting someone else to die". Forgiveness frees YOU. Once you take that step, once you decide to move forward, you can NOT bring up the affair from the past. You must focus on going forward.

You're going to have to get through all this and get over it and deal with it before you can have a great relationship with any woman.

YEP.

One of the things that really helped me get through the early stages of this process was simplifying. I focused on two things ...

1. Validation. "I'm sorry you feel that way."
2. Actions not words. Whenever I felt like I wanted to say something, I (usually) stopped myself (often with the help of the good folks here because I learned to post first!) and tried to figure out how to SHOW not SAY what I meant.

Keep truckin' OMW ...

Peace
PEI