My friend...be like the tight rope walker.....hang your pole over each side of the wire and STAND tall!
I do agree with the others that overall the discussions sounds like projection of self pity. This also may be a very important time for you to listen without expectations. I wouldn't even recommend validating....just listen and hear. Remember that you cannot be her white knight, she needs to do that for herself, but at the same time you can hear how she feels.
In another relationship I am very familiar with the wife stood tall at this point. She listened, but did not give in or stop DB'ing.....she lived her life and treated her husband as a friend. In my opinion she successfully showed her husband that the door was open, yet she was not going to pull him through it. The choice was his to enter or walk away...I recommend the same for you. Keep doing what you are doing......do what YOU feel comfortable with.....
