PINCH ME of HIT ME with a 2x4

[♪CS♪]

9, I don't know what to tell you. You NEED to get your temper under control. This is coming from someone who battles the same infliction. But this is just too important to let it get the better of you. I know how hard it is, but at least in front of her, you need to stay calm and not let her get the better of you.

You're just giving her too much ammunition against you. The more you fight the more she can justify what she is doing. I know you already know this.

[ninelives]

ITs like , the lights go out every once and while and Im saying things that I truly feel but isnt helping the cause.

But when she tells ME to grow up, I think instantly. Who the hell is being the teenager here?. Who is acting like a spoiled brat and taking down her family with her? I didnt say them but i thought them.

I did say, " If you want to mention grown up behaviour, think back to last Sunday when you brought up suicide to get me to talk to you cause I was moving on and didnt want to hear from you,

Then she said I pressured her to get back and I said, that she was telling me point blank that her life was screwed up and she wished she didnt do those things"

I simply asked if she wanted to come back and when she said yes, i asked if she was 100% sure and she replied yes.

I said if you werent 100% sure you should have said no. But she didnt want to hurt me. What a joke! She didnt want to hurt me?

I told her that i need to be invisible to her. Just talk about the kids and ONLY when absolutely necessary.

She was also miffed at me for wanting to go to her home town and visit her brother this summer on My Bike. She said that was selfish as the kids would be left out of it. Then I said, Ok, Ill bring the kids in which case she said, thats MY brother, you dont need to be showing the kids HIS place. YOu have no business doing this since you didnt do it when we were married.

And she is right, I didnt want to travel 12 hours to her hometown to see a brother she doesnt really like. I told her time again, I regret not doing this and I want to now make ammends in my life, not for her but for me. Cause I should have visited her brother and seen his house. I told her that I want to do this for ME, not for her and she said it was too late.

She then said, She wanted to be the one to give our kids their first plane ride, not me.

I said, last Summer I wanted to take them to Florida to Disney but she was sooo wrapped up in her own life , didnt say affair but it was implied, that she couldnt see that we could have given them an excellent trip together.

She didnt say anything to that.

Went to my drum lesson, drove by her house and his truck is in the driveway.

Really feeling that last Sunday was just a dream. I believe she is close to hating me NOW.

But really, how much more can I take?

9

[islander]

9

Just like I do, you need to back WAY off. Why did you drive by her place tonight, to make yourself more miserable. There is no way I am going to drive by my W place it could not answer any questions for me, and only make me angry. Stop doing those things.

I think your W is trying to make you mad at her and wants to argue with you to justify what she did to you again (last week). The more you play into this, the worse off you will be. She is rewriting the events o last week and baiting you into the middle of it.

Just go dark, seriously dark and see where it takes you. If you are really thinking you can't go on anymore, what do you have to lose. Do this for your family.

[ninelives]

My drum lessons are on that way. Only road. Tried not to look but who am i kidding.

I went dark for three days but got home to her van in my driveway. Difficult for me to go dark that way.

I love my family and am so concerned for my oldest son. She mentioned to me last Sat when we had dinner that it was good to see him laughing again.

DUH! See the correlation. Family together, boy laughing,
Family apart, boy depressed. Not rocket science.

I told her today that I am going beyond dark, I want to be invisible to her.

She said are you going to erase our life together?

Cant remember exactly what I said but something like you have, and our life together was unhappy, Remember.

She said that she was only remembering unhappy times.

She is not well mentally and I was hoping she would be on her own to get healthy like she said but I fear that she is one of those people that always needs somebody.

The last thing I may have to lose is the little selfrespect I have left. Hard to say.

Just feeling down today.


9

[♪CS♪]

But see 9, you don't tell her you're going dark. Just do it. Now I understand that she will force interaction between you two. But what you control is how those interactions go. Bite your tounge. Say as little as possible. But don't be rude. Just say and do what is necessary, nothing more.

You need to do this for you. You need to get to a calmer spot. How she reacts to it should not be your concern right now.

I agree with islander, for whatever she is picking fights with you. Don't fall for it! Let it go! Again, you need to do this for YOU! It will help you get to a better place.

[islander]

I know you are feeling very bad. Hang in there It will get better, tomorrow is another day. Don't let her bait you, that is something you can control.

[ninelives]

I hope so boys cause Im in a crappy place right now. Dont know why she gets so angry. I was so nice to her last week and was there for her during the entire thing with her mom's death.

We were nice to each other and I even picked her up over my shoulder once and curled her four times like she was a barbell.

She said, Ill bet you never thought you could do that again and something like, Ohhh are you ever getting strong. (Gag)

We threw the ball around with my youngest son.

Fast forward to today and she was in a foul mood, I guess brought up by me going dark to some extent.

I think she got the point today though. I didnt say I was going dark but i said that I dont want her to contact me anymore.

That our exchange time is Sunday at 530 with youngest son and that she doesnt need me in her life anymore.

I said you live your life and Ill live mine,

Good luck with your choosen path.

9

[♪CS♪]

Im in a crappy place right now

And that is the only thing you need to focus on right now. Get to a better place and you can go from there.

[Starsky309]

Well my going dark is simply OUT OF MY CONTROL.

I went to a meeting out of town. When I got back into to town her van is in my driveway. Bad sign. So i waited until she got out.

I drove to the end of the street and turned in the culd de sac but she was waiting for me.

She told me the dog had a big dump in the house and my youngest was trying to clean it up. Its my oldest sons dog so he is responsible for walking it but he is very remiss in his duties.

She was upset about that but also took it to get groomed. She was most upset that my oldest is disrespecting her most of the time and doesnt want to be with her much.

She says I dont do anything to bridge that fracture between them and I say he is almost a man, he is 16 and can make his own decisions. I said what you did was wrong and that you have to be responsible for the consequences and one of them is a bad realationship with your son.

She says but you do nothing to help fix it. I say that I do tell him that your mother loves you but I will not tell him how to feel. He knows about the affair as her heard me when I found out that night and I called her every name in the book and told her to get out. You that have followed my sitch know that awful day Oct 30.

So argue some more about this sitch and how I am so IMmature about it and that I should grow up.

She pushes my buttons when she starts firing darts and I was not able to control my temper this time around. I said EFF YOU and hung up.

She then started texting me about the sitch.

Guys , I lost my self control tonight. From the unexpected visit in my driveway to everything she said and there is more but I have to go to my drum lesson so I have to jet.

I will finish this when I get home.

I dont think there is much to save at this point. REally , was there ever when she picked OM over me over a year long affair.

I mean, I asked her to marry me after a year and they are going on a year and a half of their affair.

Maybe its time to face the facts that she is in a relationship with him that is not going to end any time soon.

So I politely said "If there's nothing else, I'm really tired and it sounds like I have a mess to clean up. We'll talk later, goodnight and drive safe," and I left here there and went in the house, closing the door behind me.

9

There. Fixed it for you.


Starsky

[ninelives]

Okay its morning. Cant wait until She isnt the last thing I think about before sleep and the first thing I think about when I awake.

Wish I could take much of the conversation back. She wants to have sons dog some of the time and I said, NO, its up to our son if you can have hime sometime but I dont want you coming here to my house to get her.

I said that would be up to our son if he wants to walk the dog to your house. She didnt like that.

I should have said OK, and then tried to figure out how to get the dog there without her coming to my house as I dont want to see her. Maybe son could bring her outside to her when I am not there.

Small issue but one I could have been the bigger person about.
Im still upset about the huge PULL BACK from last week.

AFter what she has done to me , how could she even think about saying she was coming back and raising hope when she wasnt sure.

That is just cruel to me. She knows how much she has hurt me yet she still pulled that crap.

What kind of people are these WAW's ? Seriously. How cruel and unfeeling can they be.

Just because they have a low period in their lives, they promise stuff like that. Its unbelievable.

9