I am keeping this as my main thread for now just to post my thoughts as things progress.
I was reading yet another book last night and there it was, a PERFECT description of my wife. The "new woman" syndrome. A bit like the walk away wife but more "woman power".
The description was that the "new woman" is tired of feeling taken granted for, taking care of house and kids, and being a mom and wife. Suddenly one day she wakes up one day and decides everything is all about her. What she wants to do, hasn't had, never did, and now what she wants. "The kids will be fine, lots of people divorce every year" she tells herself and you. Her new power doesn't have to include an affair but can. She usually comes to this conclusion after having a "new woman power" friend, or finding one of the many poisonous places on the web promoting dangerous level of woman independence.
That fits my wife to a "T" and then some. I'm not saying we did not BOTH contribute to the way she ended up feeling about me (nothing, no attraction, etc). The way she feels is due to poor communication methods on both our sides. I did not listen, and was convinced I was right, and she said little because she didn't want to hurt my feelings, feel guilt for not loving me enough, or didn't want to feel like she was wrong again. My expectations were somewhat out of whack, and I WAAAYY wrongly thought you share everything in your marriage. Eventually she shut down and stopped sharing or discussing anything. Turns out most experts agree you don't just way what's on your mind always, which is what I did. Apparently total honesty really is not a strength builder n marriages (not lies, just not sharing every little thing).
But now she wants to start over, and I get no say in the matter. If I said ok you are free right now, we would be planning a divorce this instant. I know she really means it which is why I could not give her any kind of ultimatum. The ball is totally in her court with regards to if the marriage has a future and I know this. However for now I am doing the DB, and shutting up. Not talking, but listening. Getting a life, and disconnecting. Moving on, letting go, all of that.
My hope is that I will be stronger, happier with myself, less dependent, and not reliant on her moods or behavior to make me happy or sad. Parallel, I have dreams that over the next months she will feel some pull, and come out of her funk a bit. As long as she does not pursue the EA further, I can sit by and be patient while this wears off. Who knows how long that will take, and it may never happen, she may still want to divorce in 6 months. But that is secondary to me moving on for myself. Easier said than done, especially when you are in the house with this person every day. The one you are attracted to terribly, seems happy with life while you are hurting so much, and you utterly adored for years and years.
