Looking for BITS. I'm OnMyWay

[OnMyWay]

BITS was coined, I believe, by FellOnBlackDays in his "Shine on You Crazy Diamond" series of threads. Stands for "Brothers In The Sh!t." FOBD is an excellent DBer and his threads are full of emotions, challenges, victories, and heartache. He's beginning to see results, though, both in his R with his W and with himself as he GAL. His sitch is very similar to both mine and ironMans. Although he and his WAW don't have any kids. I believe that is one added element that has kept ironMans WAW at home and mine solidly in the picture.

My 2 cents - being married is worth it. Your wife is worth it or you wouldn'd have married her and you wouldn't have come here when she hurt you. You're going to have to get through all this and get over it and deal with it before you can have a great relationship with any woman. It might as well be her, because she's always going to be there in your heart and life. Might as well be there with you and your D together. One nice guy pitfall is blaming yourself too much/rehashing and not being focused on what can BE.

AJM80, I agree with this 100%. If I could go back to the beginning, I'd still choose to do it all over again. Up until a couple of years ago, it was all so worth it. Right now, my personal challenges I am facing that are holding me back seem to be as follows:

1) I have a ways to get to GAL, yet.
2) Part of this has to do with the fact I need to get my testicles out of my W's purse.
3) W still isn't interested in me as a husband or friend (she still seems to respect me as a father), although she will come onto me for sex when it's convenient for her, but reject me when I need a little something. #2 above will apply here as well, as I need to stop being so "accommodating."
4) I feel very disrespected in that she left and split up our family. That's a pretty big issue for me and I am having a hard time getting over it. Most of my anger comes from being a LBS.
5) I wouldn't accept her back w/o some sort of punitive action on her part for her PA and for leaving. There must be consequences for her actions or what's to say she won't do it again when it is convenient for her. #1 & #2 above should help me with this, although I believe trust will be an issue for me for a long time. I was the proverbial clueless husband. That can never happen again.

For now, I'm staying in blackout mode, so W can have her time with her family. I'm trying to decide if I can muster up enough happiness to be excited with W & D get back next week from their visit. I'll of course be excited to see my D. I talk with D everyday on the phone. I can tell she's missing me. Perhaps it has to do with the fact this is the first time with her extended family and I'm noticeably NOT around. Who knows? W's fam is giving me the cold shoulder. That's ok. Not my problem.