My Story - He Cheated while I was Pregnant

[AJM80]

OMW - you're killing me, quoting me back to myself.
I kind of think, contrary to common sense for women in a divorce situation, that I should quit and let him run with this (knowing I can always move home with my parents/have a safety net - his parents have even offered to help me in any way I need (like renting a truck and moving us back)- I've kept things good with them and they are well off and want to keep things positive for the kids). He's said he'll support us and I should stay home with the kids.

A friend of mine whoe blew up his 1st marriage with some serious cheating said it was ego that kept him from going back to his wife, that once he came back to his senses, pride and a sense that she was done kept him from doing what it would take to repair things. He suggested (without knowing about DB), that I wait it out and H would see the light and hopefully the love for the kids would be enough to help him over the pride issue.

It could be ego/pride, etc. It could also be not wanting to be wrong or fail in going back - you know? She has to be sure it's what she wants, or it's almost worse to go back and fail again? I think that's some of my H's issue. Plus you are right that he is a nice guy - the guilt of facing us kills him. He's got to work through some of his issues with not loving himself.

Meganna - you have a great job, as a nurse, right? Always in high demand? If I were you, I think I would wait on switching jobs, since you do not want to be full time right now and you don't want to lock into a year in a job without knowing what your situation is. Cut costs where you can (cable, cut back on cell phone, etc) and pick up some extra hours, maybe? It's hard not to jump on the full time position coming open, but I found that not making a lot of irreversible changes helped me. Think about what you need, start putting away some money in an emergency fund, but if you can wait (knowing if you have a really marketable skill set) it will give you time to be with the kids and be with yourself to figure this out without adding stress. I'm assuming you are in an area in MN where there's a strong job market for nursing and that you can rely on your H's job for medical benefits/etc (he's not off the deep end/going to quit his job and leave you all up a creek). I'm saying it as a mother...I would move in with my parents and eat PBJ before I worked 50 hours a week and missed another year of my kids lives. Job I went back to after D was born was like that - I felt like I had to go back since H was in grad school and not working. I'd be less freaked out about staying home if H didn't have these student loans hanging over my head...although you know, even those...I could cash out part of my retirement and not be bankrupt or anything if it went to worst case scenario in a D.

Worst, worst case - I am court ordered to live out here and don't get enough support to cover my bills and get half his school debt. That could get ugly.