"Oh look at what we've become torn and broken to the bone we stand with pride and lying eyes.... whoa Oh we've taken this trip before But we're looking back and still wantin' more I can't seem to see how we end up here... whoa
(chorus) Standin' at the crossroads my senses fail me once again my heart and head cannot mend and the what ifs and could have beens no longer take precedence When we're bleedin from the wounds we've inflicted is this the 'we' we've build ohhh... just lookin' back... ohhh just lookin' back
Ohh... he said, she said I'm the right one does it really matter in the long run Is this why you stayed... whoa Ohh... there's people dyin' and cryin' in God's name but we go over and over and over again with this stupid game... whoa
(chorus) Standin' at the crossroads my senses fail me once again my heart and head cannot mend and the what ifs and could have beens no longer take precedence When we're bleedin from the wounds we've inflicted is this the 'we' we've build ohhh... just lookin' back... ohhh just lookin' back"
My W wrote and recorded the above song in early 2010.... It is about our R.
I heard the lyrics... heard the words... yet I didn't get how much trouble my M was in.
"Lookin Back"... I would LISTEN to my W and what she was saying to me... how unhappy she was... how lonely I had made our M... How stubborn I was.
Advice so many of here should heed.
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M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Man Denver, that choked me up. Don't post this stuff while I'm at work! JK....
Man, how we all wish we would have listened more. I look back and the 20/20 hindsight makes it so easy to see all of the signs. But no, I did not see them at the time. Just continued to be arrogant a-hole who took my W for granted and didn’t show her the love she deserved.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Pounded the following into my keyboard. after I had read it...
-----------------
Okay okay okay God stick a fork in me I'm done I get it!!!
I didn't hear her needs! I didn't listen! I wasn't there for her! I didn't appreciate her! I simply wasn't doing it for her even though I knew and even though she even kept on telling me over and over and over again! And still I didn;t get it even though I knew it! I knew! I know! I know I know I know I know!
WHAT NOW!?
Lord Oh Lord please help me be that better man and friend she needs right now!
Please help us find our way!
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
It really made me pause and think (yet again) of my acountability in my sitch. I still beat myself up sometimes that I wasn't a better listener....
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
I'm pretty proud of my W obviously... I just wish that that song didn't have to be about how sad she was in our M. Thanks for the compliments everyone.
UPDATE...
I haven't posted one for a while. There really isn't a lot that has changed. My W and I have been hanging out nearly every night since we got back from Buffalo. She and SS will usually come over for dinner. We'll work on homework with SS, watch a movie, or just have a drink and talk.
I haven't asked about OM recently. Last thing that she has told me about him is that she was distancing herself from him. She certainly has not seen him in the past couple of weeks at least as she has been spending all of her free time with me. And on the nights that she's not with me, we've usually talked on the phone once or twice. There simply is no time for her to be spending with OM.
Tomorrow night she has a gig that I am going to with some friends. Saturday is SS bday party that I am helping her with so we will be hanging out all day.
So, saving the best bit of news for last, W brought up MC a few nights ago. I had previously told her that I was ready to do it if and when she was ready, but that I was willing to be patient. So on Monday night, W and I were out on my deck talking and she asked me about the MC that I had picked out. I asked her if I should make an appointment and she said 'yes'!
So... W and I have an our first MC session on Tuesday evening. It is with a solution based therapist who specializes in marriage counseling. I'm very excited.
I also spoke with W about Retrouvaille... she is more than willing to do it, but she has no free weekends in the next couple of months, so that may have to wait for a while.
Thanks everyone for the continued support!
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Your patience continues to be superb. I am sure you’re anxious for her to move back home, but you are letting things work at their own pace and not pushing the issue. You look to be reworded for your efforts.
Congrats and good luck in MC!
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Denver I agree completely with Country. Don't rush her, keep communication open, and remember how far you have come to get to this point. You give us all hope my friend
