Patience is...waiting to see positive change, after you have positioned yourself for a positive outcome.
Patience is but one skill in the toolbox. We have to use the tools we have while acquiring and developing new ones.
My biggest challenge is positioning myself for success and evaluating if I have done so.
Thank you, Just. That was exactly what I needed to hear right now.
So Dr. Seuss once wrote a book called "My Many Colored Days"... For me, today is feeling awfully gray.
Just got off the phone with Beckie. We actually chatted for a good 30 minutes, but it really felt like all the sparks are long, lost and far away gone for her.
The worst part of it is, I am starting to feel a real loss of passion for her, as well. For me it has now been almost 5 months of daily DBing, and now we're closer to the divorce than when we started.
And although she is saying the last thing in the world she wants right now is to start a new relationship, I'm sure dating is just around the corner for her, and then I'm gonna have all those feelings to deal with as well...
<greatest of sighs>
Good news is, I was just over there on Country's thread again and said I'd post my goals, and thinking of that makes me want to b*tch-slap (AWESOME! I have never used that word before!) my negative mind and tell it to stop it's whining.
Just observe and state what it is. Be neutral. Gather information. Assess. Evaluate. Decide.
So to balance what I fear, here is what I want:
1. Ultimate Personal Goal: I am netting $24,000 per month on May 25th, 2011 2. Next Personal Milestone Towards My Goal: Finish marketing piece.
3. Ultimate Relationship Goal: An outdoor wedding ceremony on Georgian Bay August 9th, 2011 4. Next Relationship Milestone Along The Way: A commitment to get together and have some fun sometime next month.
So I've got my negative mind trying to protect me, telling me to bail out so that I don't get any more pain...
I've got my positive mind serving up creative possibilities, trying to get me feeling pleasure...
And I've got my neutral mind asking what is real, and reminding me of my purpose.
Right now my purpose is still to be the very best husband I can be.
So my decision is I need to call her and tell her that in the morning. For me.
Right now she appears distant but not completely unresponsive...I'm feeling I need to try reeling her back in a little and see where it might lead.
'twas a hard day today.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
