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[AntoniaB]

I have to be honest and say that a lot of the things she said were dead on with things my XH said when he decided to leave and then file for divorce. At the time I took it as indecision or thought I had a chance--he said things like he shouldn't be forgiven and that he was afraid I would not forgive him, and that I deserved better, etc. At the time I kept thinking I can forgive, he is good for me if we can get past this, and I can work with him to repair everything. The more I said that, the more hew walked away. In my sitch, I think that he was saying those things as a way to rationalize not trying to fix anything. It was almost like an "I'm not strong enough or I don't want to work on this; I want an easy out." He kept saying that it messed with his head when I said I could forgive him. He said that was never part of the scenario to him.

I think the most you can do is to offer to help her get into some sort of counseling or soul searching, but I read a lot of pity in this and a lot of excuses, but again that's just because I heard much the same stuff almost 10 months ago and my XH has now moved away and is fully engaged in an open rel. with the OW and still claiming to everyone that he made the right choice.

Good luck.