Albuquerque living part 3:Strapped in for the ride

[angel61]

HI Alb,

I think you should go. The way I look at it is that you should not let your relationship problems with H sully your relationship with your in-laws.

I was just with my in-laws over the weekend and I felt that H was very appreciative of the fact tghat I confidently handled my interactions with them, and that our family is intact in a sense in spite of our M problems. I think that your H is not ready, but eventually he will return. There seems to be light at the end of the tunnel. Your H is very smart, and is a thinker. Anxiety disorders are common in highly intelligent people - they can see further than most and tend to over-analyze. Hopefully his reasonable and logical side will direct him to the right decision.

I think its a great thing for you to continue a pesonal friendship, as it is reconnection on the mental level. H probably feels that he needs to re-acquaint with you - remember that you are both undergoing a lot of changes and some of them are happening below the surface. Not adding sex to the mix is wise - as it will only confuse the issue, physical attraction per se could want him to prematurely move back in, when it should not be the primary motivator.

The biggest hurdle, that is true, is OW. But as they always say, OW is a band-aid, and there must still be something that needs a band-aid in his life. Once that is gone, OW will fall of like a scab, hopefully.

Like my sitch, H also is stringing OW along. We have not gotten to the point of having personal friendship, and I believe that is what he gets from OW. He himself said he felt we did not have common ground - no connection.

I have not worked on making our companionship comfortable and companionable, I have not regained his "trust" that I would not resent him or extract revenge, that is why he is still wary of me. In your case, it looks like you have gotten over that hurdle. If I were you, I will not bring up that wall again. You know what will bring up that wall....right?

Hang in there, Alb! HUGS!