Language is such a powerful tool, so I made a slight, yet significant change to your name. You deserve credit for all the current effort you're displaying! The label of DelinquentGurl seems descriptive of your "old" behavior. So you've read Michele's DB book & started implementing positive change techniques, you're in individual counseling & taking personal responsibility for your part in the relationship, and you have an open heart and the willingness to improve your life and your marriage! You deserve a cheering section & I'm bringing out my pom-poms for you!
Your question: "Am I hoping for nothing?" As a nurse, my first response to a question like that is, "Where there's a pulse, there's hope!" Well, you're way beyond that! Your husband invited you out for dinner last night & told you that he loves you!
The work will be in rebuilding the trust in your relationship in order to create an emotionally safe environment. You describe yourself as being emotionally abusive for 3-4 years of your almost 5 year marriage. Your husband needs to observe that you're committed to changing the unhealthy behavior patterns. He doesn't necessarily need to hear about it. "Actions speak louder than words." It can't be like those birthday candles where you blow them out & they relight again. And you blow them out & they relight again. There needs to be sincere commitment to gain true traction.
Continue to take good care of yourself! Exercise. Take 10 minutes each day to reflect & breathe in total peace and quiet. Hopefully, you'll begin to sleep better which is vital to your well being. Remind yourself to stay in the "here & now" - obsessing and worrying about "what if" is an exercise in futility. Most of what we worry about never becomes reality - so why have all that pain in advance?
