tips for difficult conversation??

[JustStunned]

Still, I am stressing a bit about my own sitch so sleep was difficult last night. From my addled sleep deprived brain comes these thoughts

So you suspect, there are indications from what is posted here, a ponderous mass of circumstantial evidence. My father used to tell me if it looks like, smells like, tastes like, then it probably is sh!t.

We’d all like a smoking gun. We don’t have one yet. So what are the most constructive things we can do? Confront? This will build anger and resentment and entrench them with each other deeper, so no, not a good idea. You know this you said this here.

We learn here to do things to become the better choice. That eventually our S will see we are the better choice and maybe try to establish a new R.

Even if they do not we have not failed for we have improved. We have become the better choice. We are the better choice.

It is heart wrenching and difficult to accept we may have to let go of our S, but if we do it will be after we come to understand they are no longer the person we loved once. It will be our choice to put this burden down, to be done.

So a suggestion prepare for the smoking gun, look for it, don’t ignore it if it is revealed, but do not obsess over it. Stop obsessing, do what you need to do to become the clear better choice.

I read somewhere in one of these threads she told you to be a man. This was vicious and cruel, and I suspect stated in anger, but she was telling you what to do.

Putting aside vicious and cruel, what from her point of view would the better man be? How would he behave? Who would he be? What would he do?

This is not about how to react to the EA, PA or OP. This is about being the better choice for a new R.