Thanks guys, but I really wouldn't want to stay here anyway. Yes, this was our dream home that we built, but it was more me trying to give him his dream than any dream of my own. I live out in the country against the National Forest - alone. Me, the coyotes, wolves, bears, etc. I am not scared. It's people I'm scared of - who'd hear me scream? Besides, it's quite a large house, and I'd be much happier in town with a small "just my own little house" kind of situation. Also, I would very much like to be able to outright buy the house, or with as little mortgage as possible, so that no one can ever take my home away from me again.
The letter, yes, I know you are all right. It makes me cry to read it, but I'd be a fool to expect him to take it for what it is.
On another note, the last two nights I have had whoppers of nightmares, which I think are all about H, but at the last moment, they turn and are someone else. Last night it was my XH from 25 years ago, with whom I am still friendly. Dreams of my H being hurtful, mean and so angry with me, and me trying desperately to find out why. I guess this is all a response to the end being near, so to speak. I don't like taking pills to sleep, but anything to block out the dreams.
Have a Wonderful Wednesday. Friend gave me a tubful of Iris' last night, so the plan today is to plant them around all the trees in the front yard. You don't really have to plant them, more or less just throw them on the grownd.
