Fell off the 180 wagon the past couple days. W had many meetings with boss, and received lots of emails, which interupted our conversations and made her smile and giggle. She really got dressed up as well. She's noticed I'm not happy, though I'm not sure she knows why.
Falling into that bad dynamic again.
Thought the advice I got here - to find out what exacty is going on - was good and would tell me wether or not to confront. But I'm pessimistic. All I really have are things that are open to interpretation - emails I think are inappropriate, a tendency to be too friendly, too close, and too flirtatious. Her being defensive of him, and calling him "smart", "funny", and "really good to her". But that's mostly my opinion and perhaps the opinion of the few people I've comfided in. I snooped in her emails - - know, I know; trust me it only adds to the suffering, but I think it was time - they are very friendly and constantly complimentary, and some seem to have a double meaning, but that's it. The most solid evidence are the emails saying "Thinking of you" and "wish you were here". One during her trip requests his room# at 2:40 am one morning. Others suggest they take the office tubing, or to play pool, etc.
Together, they paint the picture of a budding EA - to me anyway. But each could easily be explained away in an argument.
I guess what I have is a collection of gut feelings and observations of her changing behaviors.
Probably, the most I could make stick in a confrontation would be that she's playing with fire and inconsiderate of my feelings. She wouldn't change anything except to she I am jealous and controlling and push it underground so as not to have to deal with me. And, of course, she'd accuse me of not trusting her.
Oh, how I wish she would give a little thought to the no-win situation she's put me in.
If it weren't for a few friends and my therapist suggesting that I had reason to be concerned - their prevailing opinion is that probably no PA but perhaps unhealthy attractment of an budding EA - I would think I was losing it and imagining all of this...hey, maybe I AM. All I know for certain is that I can't sleep or be productive at work, nor can I figure out what to do next.
