Unfortunately that's the whole thing with BPD. I love you, I hate you; leave me, never leave me. It's just part of the disease.
I wholeheartedly believe that my husband is suffering from depression/life crisis (probably not mid-life per se seeing as he's no where near mid-life in age). He is doing the same kind of waffling business. I try to go with the sentence in DR that said, "believe nothing of what they say and only 50% of what they do". That's helped me some in trying to determine what's really going on. I feel like his words are more negative, and those that would not be negative are full out lies to himself (i.e. he swears he's excited about the birth of our child, but refuses to talk about future plans for her, go to parenting classes, look at her sonos, etc.). It at least helps me gage what's really going on.
For my own sanity, I've adopted the mantra of "I have the patience of Job". It's helped ease my anxiety over the lack of control in this situation and assured me that I will make it through. It is SO VERY HARD not to call him, especially when I don't know where he is or when he's coming back, but I just have to remind myself of that mantra and that I have to take care of me, for both my sake and my unborn child.
I hope this helps. Take back your power, don't give it away.
