Thanks for advice. Am still struggling - strange weekend. Did some things I really should not have done including sleeping with h - initiated by me, h was certainly not 'making love' but just having sex with me. Unfortunately I feel so desperate for his love and attention that I settled for that. H says he cares deeply about me but loves her. He says I can be controlling (I wish I did have some control!!) but that with her they are equals. He says he wants to be with her but does not want to leave just yet as he wants to support me & kids through this first. He says he never argues with her & that she is the best thing that has happened to him. I just want a normal life with a normal husband - like I used to have! I just don't feel that I can go on without him and can't stand the thought of him with her. How could he love her more? We've been together 20+ years, have 3 kids& I love him so much - I wish he could see that! I am hoping he relationship with her will fizzle out but it just seems to be getting stronger. The ADs are making me feel strange - really full of energy one minute & exhausted the next. Still not sleeping properly or eating. I just wish I could do something to make him open his eyes and see what he stands to loose! If only ow was not in picture I know he would love me again : ( I am worried that if I do the db stuff it might give h the impression that I am over him & give him green light to move on. So confused and unhappy.
He has just gone upstairs to phone her - I said I would not go upstairs until he came down. I can't cope with this it is killing me. Why is he doing this? I am trying to keep calm - I am not crying but on the inside I feel so sad. I need to do something to change all if this - it is all wrong! How can he do this to me & kids? What can I do to make him stop - should I just ask him to leave. ? But then what? Do I just pretend it's not happening? He is in our bedroom - probably sitting on our bed talking to her while I am downstairs!!!!!!
Please can anyone advise me - is it all over, should I give up. H is kind to me sometimes - says he wants to help me through this but not be with me as a h. I feel desperate! What can I do - I am terrified he'll leave......
Today is worse than yesterday. He is with her now. He has taken the afternoon off work to spend it with her. He thinks I don't know but I used the locate my phone that he installed on his mobile (I know I shouldn't have) and he is at her house. How do I handle this? I spoke to him at lunch time - he was kind & suggested we go out to the cinema this week then he goes to her. I feel lost and so deeply hurt - I cannot believe this is happening to me. I want to phone him again with some excuse so it disturbs whatever they are doing - I know I must not but I have to do something and I don't know what else to do. I need to find some way through this. Please help if you have any advice? How can he be with her knowing how much it hurts me & knowing he has a family? He used to be such a good, kind family man - how do I get that person back?
I have read lots more on this site - I know I am doing everything wrong! But if I act strong & as if I'm ok he will leave - while he is here we have a chance. I have done some good stuff - I've gone out on my own afew times - acted up beat, not talked about affair or us but it didn't seem to work as he kept seeing her. Now he is adamant we will separate & he will be with her. How do I make him want me again. He says he cares & finds me attractive but loves her. How can I change this - I don't think I've got very long - I need something that will start working quickly. He encourages me to go out and even suggested I see someone else. Is it too late? Is there any hope? Should I give up? Is it wrong to keep having a sexual relationship? Will this bring us closer? Should I try and find out more about his affair? Should I speak to ow? I thought about e mailing her as I have her e mail address. I am so confused & so anxious. All this is hurting me & my kids. They know something is wrong. I am being a useless mum.
I am sorry I have been posting so much - days seem so long, I spend all my time searching for answers. I which it did not take so long for posts to appear on here!
None of my posts from yesterday have appeared : ( am I doing something wrong? I really need some advise.........
Another sleepless night - not sure how much more I can take. H very off hand & cold this morning. Prob cause he was with her yesterday. How do I detach from him?
^ Crossroads-- All newbies are on full moderation, and while we try to approve them within 24 hours, sometimes it takes around 48 hours. You have not done anything wrong.
Atacrossroads, I am really sorry you find yourself in this situation. Keep reading and posting. As dbmod noted, everyone starts on full moderation, after a bit your posts will start to show up as soon as you post them.
I know this is a very difficult time. But use the information in the book and on this site. It will help YOU regardless. It can also help turn your M around.
I wish there was some magic to all of this but unfortunately there is not. It is a tough road and no one can predict how things ultimately turn out. BUT, if you follow the advice here. You will start feeling better. That I know.
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Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
