That little engine that will ...

[MeMyselfandI]

Not much new to report. I am back into my routine, walking the track, working, getting a life and so on. Communication with H has cooled down significantly and is all business right now. I know through D that he is still sick. We had a couple of exchanges over the weekend, again, logistics/household stuff. Short responses, no more talking about how he is doing, etc. I think he may be retreating back into some kinda man tunnel.

I did find out he had a fairly lengthy discussion with my boarder while I was away and I really believe he is just blowing in the wind right now, a lost soul. Where that will lead him is only up to him though and nothing I can do to help that along so I'll just keep on with keeping on.

There are a couple of things I have found interesting over the past couple of days. The first one is that H knew, (through D) that I had plans to go out on Monday night with a 'friend' who was coming in from out of town. Just as I was getting ready to go Monday night, D was talking to H and had mentioned she wasn't feeling very well. H immediately asked her if I was still going out. She responded that I was (and I did and had a good time) but that I wasn't going to stay out late.

This morning, I get an email from H with the subject some things.

First thing he asked was about travel in May as he needed to book some and knew I was going to be away at some point. I responded with my travel dates.

Second was regarding a spot someone has given to our S for a hockey camp as they are unable to make it and he asks how to discuss it with the kids as our D won't be able to go. I say as long as we plan something fun for her to do that day, I don't think she'll mind.

Third was regarding summer vacation as he wants to start making plans. I tell him I don't have anything planned and may not go away this summer so I will work around whatever he schedules.

Lastly, he mentions that he has agreed to share a hotel room with one of the coaches at the kid's upcoming out of town hockey tournament to save some money. The interesting thing is, there was no reason to tell me this. I had expected this hotel room thing to surface a couple of weeks ago when we were talking a lot more but since it hadn't, I already booked my own room and had resolved that I would be paying the full price, no big deal. I wasn't really sure that sharing a room would have been the best idea anyway. I think he only mentioned this because he was fishing for a reaction ... I didn't bite. I simply said not to worry that I had already booked a room.

My instincts tell me that there is a lot H is processing right now and likely lots that he wants to say but he is reserving himself. He has always been someone who analyzes things to death and I know he has been spending lots of time alone, likely doing just that. I will continue to give him the time and space he needs and continue to live my life. I'm actually really enjoying my life path ... like many on here say, if he catches up, I may let him walk beside me. Until then, I take a peek back every now and again just to make sure he's still breathing but it's onwards and upwards for this girl.