When we turned to hug each other before saying goodnight, XH leaned in to kiss me on the lips and I reciprocated. It was a sweet kiss, like our previous kisses (this was the 3rd in the last 3 months
Hey GAG,
I have been lurking around keeping up with your sitch just not posting much, but still here anxiously awaiting your posts each week.
This is great that your XH initiated the kiss, VERY NICE. It seems that he is warming up to you more and more. He is getting comfortable with you again, you have done an excellent job of establishing trust with him.
Keep it up, I know that the there have been a couple of things that have given you "pause" (the clicking and the vacation thing) , however there are many, many more things that are a positive from my perspective. Could be that the vacation was planned long ago and that it was mutually paid for and it would be a difficult thing to cancel. I will be interested to see your XH's behavior towards you upon his return.....
could be that he needed to get this vacation behind him before things progress forward with you?????
Just a thought.
Keep it up!!!
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Cas and CW, thanks for stopping by and your continued encouragement. I love your color-coordinated pom-poms ladies.
Hey MHL, great to see you again! I see you've gotten some color on your cheeks from those lovely, warm days in the "south" (geographic location is relative). Glad to see that things are going well for you! I've been meaning to catch up with you, but have been slowed down by X-MIL's turn for the worse, patio tree, and taxes.......yada, yada, yada........
Yes, this was the first time Mr. GAG initiated the k-i-s-s, albeit sweet, and I have noticed several indications that he is moving toward me. It was interesting to me that a week ago when we went for sunday "dinner and a movie" he commented that his former business partner is going on vacay with his W (they are in M counseling and things aren't going well) and that someone in his office said "Maybe this will be good for their R". When Mr. GAG told me this he kind of made a little sneer and said something like "I don't think that's necessarily true". Now that I've had time to think about it I think Mr. GAG was referring to going to Mexico with GF#2 and it's possible that this trip, which was likely booked around New Years, is what has been keeping him from moving forward more. I agree that it will be interesting to see what happens after he returns. XH dropped the bomb 1 week after we returned from a 2 week vacay so there's a precedent for him to do this. No expectations. Just watching. X-MIL's declining health has really impacted this situation, so it's hard to predict what XH or I will do.
In the meantime I will continue to supportive. I visited his mother last night. She really is continuing to decline (her face now looks thin because she isn't eating much) but last night was surprisingly lucid. She mentioned GF#2 by name which really surprised me since I didn't think her memory was good enough to remember things in the recent past. When I arrived at X-MIL's place XH had set the photo of me and X-MIL (I gave this to X-MIL recently) at her recent birthday party out on the kitchen table for everyone to see. This confirmed for me either that GF#2 is in Mexico with him or he doesn't care if she sees the photo. I took photos of X-MIL holding up little tagboard signs saying "Hello!" and "What's happening?" in Spanish and texted them to him and followed up with an e-mail. Thought the little signs might give him a laugh. Continuing to plant seeds in his brain. I spoon fed X-MIL for a bit, but couldn't get much down. It's probably good that he's taking a vacay now. She can't go on much longer like this without eating.
MHL, I was reminded recently of what you wrote me in the past about how men tend to have a new R lined up before they finish their current R. I'm thinking that this may be true of XH. He has done this kind of thing in the past. Time will tell.
MHL, I was reminded recently of what you wrote me in the past about how men tend to have a new R lined up before they finish their current R. I'm thinking that this may be true of XH. He has done this kind of thing in the past. Time will tell.
GAG,
It probably is over already if I had to guess, might have ended on friendly terms in fact. I will tell you that is often the case in dating in our more "mature" years, where if the relationship is not working out that the 2 people involved usually part on good terms. That could be the sitch here.
I really don't think that someone he is dating would be "okay" with him being with you or "where ever" one night a week. I sure as heck would not go for that.
It will be interesting to watch upon his return.
Originally Posted By: goodattitudegirl
Hey MHL, great to see you again! I see you've gotten some color on your cheeks from those lovely, warm days in the "south" (geographic location is relative). Glad to see that things are going well for you!
Thanks for the observations and yes things are going well, I guess that is why I have not been posting as much lately......it is sooo true that once your life does get "back on track" you don't have as much free time. Dating someone that lives 1.5 hours away doesn't help either....LOL
Greetings to everyone else also!!!!!
Cheers :):):)
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
GAG, just loved the little tagboard signs...you have such creative ideas. I agree with MHL that perhaps XH had this holiday booked from some time ago. And clearly he doesn't think holidays are the 'romantic cure-all'.
MHL joins the rest of us that see so many positives here! The fact that XH has asked you to visit with his mother is a real sign of his trust in you. He appreciates the love and care you show and your personal support to him.
MHL makes the comment I have made in my situation....what female would be happy with a partner who has weekly dates with his XW? Whether he is with her or not is immaterial at this point; he is clearly not seeing her as a long term, committed partner. It seems she is the back up plan until he is certain he can move forward with you. It is a huge move for the WAS to reconnect when they have initiated the separation in the first place. It means they have to eat humble pie and that's challenging for all of us.
GAG, I think of Dia's situation when I read your posts. Her H kept moving slowly, slowly towards her. As the outsiders looking in we could see and applaud the forward movements but it wasn't as apparent to Dia.
GAG - I've been reading your tread....so much good stuff...I don't really have much to add...you are doing all you can and I see ongoing movement toward you from Mr GAG...and that's a good thing...can't wait for next report
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I just want you to know I have been following along.
I think things between you and Mr. GAG are going very well, the kiss he gave you last week shows that his heart is softening and he is beginning to reconnect with you.
Keep doing what you are doing. Consistency in your positive attitude and loving treatment of XH will bring him back to you.
Just keep remembering....patience and time for him, don't lose faith and hope and love him unconditionally.
I am not doing very well, thus I have been unable to post as I do not have any positive upbeat emotions to rely on right now.
I want to tell you that I value your support and friendship and I am praying for you and Mr. GAG every day.
(((((Hugs)))))
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
Makes me wonder if he had this holiday booked ages ago and he is going because he cant bear to cancel it and lose the money!
He is moving towards you, the little kiss is a biggy, believe me my H used to coil away from me the weeks before he left and even wrap his arms in front of me to stop me getting to him!
Obviously MIL is going to go at some point and this is seriously rock the boat, so be prepared for a quick retreat when this happens.. at this point most definitely do not mind read, ask what he wants!
Keep everything crossed it carries on slowly but surely.
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
......long day, long week. I visited X-MIL 4 times this week while XH was in Mexico. He got back today. X-MIL had looked a bit "out of it" on Wednesday when I visited, but had been given a narcotic shortly before I arrived. She felt hot to the touch and her breathing was raspy. I was concerned, thinking that if X-MIL had developed an infection I should let XH and X-SIL know she was declining, but when I got a nursing assistant to take her temp, it was normal. Because X-MIL was "under the weather" on Wednesday, I stopped by after work on Thursday. She looked much better and I spoke with the RN in charge.
Fast forward to today. I planned to visit today since XH said he would return from vacay today and would see his mother tomorrow. I baked a nice potato casserole and fresh-baked bread that came out of the oven just before I left to visit X-MIL. I took kitty, some fun photo prints of XH and kitty in a leprechaun hat, some daffodils, and a daisy plant. During the week I had gradually removed dying poinsettias from her apt. and replaced them with cut flowers and flowering potted plants, to make the place cheerier. I scheduled my visit for dinner time so that I could spoon feed her.
When I arrived today with kitty, X-MIL was non-responsive and when I asked the staff what might account for that, they told me that the hospice team had changed her orders earlier that day to supportive care only. X-MIL appeared to be comatose to me. That was a big change in the last 2 days. I phoned X-SIL to ask when XH was scheduled to arrive from Mexico. I texted and left VM for XH that he should phone me when he got the message. He did. I told him what I outlined above and told him to get to his mother's place ASAP. He started crying on the phone. He arrived about 45 minutes later. He had just arrived from Mexico. We spent the next 4 hours together at X-MIL's place talking to her (she is comatose), trying to make her comfortable, and talking about her life, his grief, and a little about his vacay. When X-SIL phoned XH around 8pm, he started crying when he picked up and asked me to talk with her. I did. She wanted to know if she needed to book a flight.
A little before 10pm our time, I left with kitty. XH was still there and was going to phone his sister to discuss what they should do. It felt a bit surreal being there. My old nursing instincts kicked in and I was very supportive but not crying with X-MIL, trying to attend to her needs. There were a few times that XH looked at me in a different way. I can only guess that facing his mother's mortality makes him see things with new eyes. Not sure though. He told me that he stayed at his sister's time share in Mexico and said "we did such and such" so I am assuming that the person he was with was GF#2 but I really don't know for sure....just guessing, because if it had been someone else, he would have said their name. However, as far as I could tell, XH didn't receive any texts or VMs from GF#2 while I was there. He did receive some texts, but each time held up the phone and told me who they were from...
I feel pretty confused about XH right now............I was pretty frustrated with him during the week........frustrated that when I e-mailed him about my visits with his mother he didn't reply..........this is pretty typical for him and I just am getting sick of it. That behavior is just inconsiderate............interesting that this evening when I said to XH that I wasn't certain whether he had received my e-mails earlier because he didn't reply, he acted surprised. I said "you typically don't reply to my texts about your mother", so then he pulled out his iPhone and started scrolling through his old messages to see if he had responded to my e-mails and texts in the past. That was interesting. In spite of my frustrations I am being the supportive friend and doing what I can do for X-MIL. I don't expect her to live more than 1-3 more days. I sincerely hope that she doesn't experience too much discomfort.
When it was time for me to leave, XH hugged me and initiated a kiss. I turned my head at that time (force of habit) and the kiss landed on my cheek, even though I think XH intended it for my lips. I had kitty say good bye to X-MIL (probably the last time that will happen) and about 10 minutes later I hugged XH good-bye and kissed him on the lips. I told him that if he needed anything he should ask and told him I would check on his mother tomorrow afternoon. XH told me he would text me about changes in his mother's status.
All week long I have been feeling sad that I feel like I am losing the love that I've had for XH since the bomb. This whole situation is confusing. I really appreciate what Sanderika, Cas, and Rabbit have posted about their H's recently. It is SO wonderful to hear that those loving feelings can remain in spite of everything that has transpired in your situations. I am REALLY, REALLY happy for all of you. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you all for your messages over the past few days. I hope to respond to them some time tomorrow.
