Ok so as promised i will begin this thread with highlights with my DB couch. Did I mention she was awesome?
I spent 27 minutes of the convo just catching her up on the all that has happened since last we spoke. Here is some of the points DB couch made............
1. Don't go dark on W. Reach out to her on occasion just to say hello, contact her more often.
2. Her comment of always saying "I don't want to give you false hope" steams a lot from her making sure I am paying attention. For a long time she did not feel valued or listened to in the M so now that she knows she has my attention she wants to keep it.
3. Generally no R talk but don't necessarily avoid it if she goes into it.
4. Start replacing negative memories with positive memories.
Those are some of the key points.
So based on that information I went ahead and called W yesterday evening. I wanted to talk to her about taxes and this is how that exchange went.
W: Hey you called?
M: Yeah guess what I got in the mail today?
W: Whats that?
M: I got a letter from the IRS saying we are debt free
W: Really? That is great
M: I am very happy right now
W: Isn't that better than owing the IRS money
M: For sure
W: Now that we got rid of that debt I have to figure out how to get rid of the other 15k I owe in CC debt
M: Well one 15k at a time
W: Oh what you want get a loan and get rid of that debt for me?
M: I don't think so, but thank you for asking
W: LOL Can't blame a girl for trying
M: You sure can't. I appreciate you asking
W: You will get a big fat thank you from me. You might even get one of those big cards that requires extra postage
M: Well now you are sweating the pot...........no the answer is still no. It is the thought that counts though
W: LOL yeah only you did not think about it
M: LOL nope. I sure didn't
W: You seem to be very chipper today
M: I am in deed
W: You must of had a good weekend
M: hmmm
W: hmmm huh? LOL well that’s good. Good for you deserve a good weekend
M: It was pretty good
W: Well good. I am glad. You reached a milestone
M: What is that?
W: Now you can dish out also. Thats good
M: LOL Yeah I guess so what are you up to
W: Getting ready to go do laundry. I was just sitting at home with my fan on and all the windows open reading a book
M: Sounds very nice your own little piece of heaven
W: Yup. I love it
The whole convo which lasted a total of 12 min went like that. It was light and fun and some sarcasm thrown in both directions.
I walked away from it a little uneasy I will try my best to explain why.
A lot of what we do say and hear we analyzes. Sometimes we are wrong and sometimes we are right. This convo while light was kind of revealing for me.
She mentioned the weekend not knowing what i had done all weekend. She did not ask any further and was perfectly content with anything I would have done. She was ok and seemed actually happy I would have gone out and had a good time. Not typical.
She seemed detached in the convo. After 5 months of phone convo's I can tell the difference. I have mentioned this about my last 2 convo's with her.
I believe my W is at a cross rd right now. She is detaching from me and is doing a pretty good job of it. When I call she begins to doubt and question. Periods of no contact only help with the detachment.
If you look at my history you will notice that contact has been 80/20 her. She has reached out to me. I am under the impression that is changing and she will not be doing her typical reaching out. She might call here and there but she is by no means doing the heavy thinking she was doing before.
