Thanks for the reply. It will probably take some time for me to gather my thoughts enough to put the whole story out there but I can speak to a couple of your questions.
Regarding the sexual orientation, I think it is important to not get caught up in an either/or situation or put too much stock into labels. I believe that sexuality may be somewhat fluid, especially for women. My wife doesn't think of herself as a lesbian or even bisexual. In a large part, it wasn't about sex but probably more about intimacy. In the same regard, it wasn't NOT about sex either. There were some real issues related to sex that the OW was going through in her marriage.
I also don't know how much you know about the OW of if you were close to her but in my case, the OW was my wife's best friend. Our families were very tight, we vacationed together, did Christmas together, etc. In the talks I had with my wife following her disclosure, I began to better know the OW and that she was very very much like me in a lot of ways. So my wife was attracted to that I believe. The real pain now for me is the loss of relationship between our families. I miss her and her family terribly and I love her children nearly as much as I love my own.
