Today I left the house, well actually tried to and H came to the driveway and made me stop. H wanted to add oil and what not to my car. I explained that it was fine he didn't have to blah blah blah that I was in a hurry. No, he insisted. When he finished I was backing out and he flagged me back in. He was hungry. Next thing I know, he is in my car. Long story short, he went to lunch and he was unusually close to me. Every time he brushed against me I took a step back. This went on for hours. He finally looked at me and said you "hate spending time with me" I said "no, just a lot on my mind and right now you are not at the top of the list."
Did I totally ruin the moment?
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
interesting day/evening yesterday. Yesterday, it rained in my area like nothing I have ever seen. H had to go to work. I made soup and was pretty much in the house all day. I made no contact.
He came home and said "Did you make soup? How is it"(no the soup fairy dropped by) I said it was good and he said that he expected noting less of me. Later he ate some of the muffins that I made and went on and on about them. No reaction from me other than thank you. We were watching TV and he kept asking me if I was ok with his choice. All I said was "sure." 1/2 the way through I got up and said "Night". He seemed confused by this.
When is the RIGHT time to bring up the R talk again?
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
ugggg...I can't tell if he is coming closer to me, or if I just don't notice anymore how far gone he is. My H will never start a R talk with me. I would mean that he just might have been wrong. Nope, it is never going to happen if left to him. I have to be more crafty than that. Suggestions for the future?
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
VS, I know you have difficulty GAL’ing and that having a life away from your H is one of the things he objected to, but IMO the best thing you can do right now is precisely that.
Go do some things that make you happy. Create some intrigue about yourself. Get him to wonder what is she doing. Maybe not 100% of the time, but say 30 or 40%
Riding his coaster will only produce more of the same angst. Give him a coaster to ride for a little while. Then evaluate the outcome.
Maybe it is just my perception but it seems like when you have been able to do a little bit of this he reels your back into his drama. Create some happiness for yourself and reel him into your drama.
It may not work, but you'll be trying something different and you’ll be driving the bus for a change.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
I completed my GOAL. No telephone calls or tm's for 5 days. It was hard at first then became easy. I FINALLY understand the push/pull.
Yesterday was the FIRST time in a long time he sent me a text for no reason at all, a picture of the ipad2 that he wants to buy. I didn't respond.
Last night I went to bed before he got home. He woke me (he never does) to tell me he was home, did I need an extra blanket and dinner looks good.
When I left for work this morning, 6:30am, he said "Jezzz, you are leaving earlier and earlier each day. I just smiled. He told me to have a nice day and to stay warm. I said TY you 2. I do see small baby steps.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
VS, Good this sounds encouraging. IMO it sounds like you are both taking baby steps.
How long do plan to maintain this level? What else can you add?
I know we practice doing what works and patience here, and as long as you perceive progress keep it up, but there is nothing wrong with having something to add or to adjust with in your hip pocket.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
VS, IMO what you described above is more like going dark/dim than doing something for yourself. You’ve gotten some baby steps from it. If it sounds, smells and tastes like progress then it probably is. Do what works. IMO this will only take you so far and will be difficult to maintain unless you can GAL a little
From what I’ve read you used to be very busy doing things and are now hesitant to do something for the joy of doing. You’re hesitating out of fear your S will think you’re to busy for him. IMO he is taking advantage of that fear.
It was thinking like this that eventually lead me into my sitch. One of my issues was never leaving my S enough room to breathe. Every healthy R needs a bit of detachment. Wish I’d have realized that years ago.
So what to add? IDK. What do you like to do that would be easy and not take up all of your free time? Trying to think of balance between GAL for you and having time to interact with your H. It is a delicate balance.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
He then says that he is going to the store. OK fine. He asks me what I need to make blueberry muffins. Really? Seriously? I have never baked in my life much less know how to make blueberry muffins.
Originally Posted By: verysad2day
Later he ate some of the muffins that I made and went on and on about them.
Not from scratch I hope. There are some very easy mixes, just add milk or water. Please re-read this thread.
Sandi and Mr bond have given so many good suggestions it’d be worth it.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
