Sitting at home with myself, part 2

[zengypsy]

Congrats Navy. You give us all hope and inspiration that things can turn around no matter what.

[sparks14]

Navy - Man that is awesome. I am so happy to hear that W and kids moved home. Keep up all of the hard work. You are doing an aamzing job!

[FellOnBlackDays]

Still all very good news, Navy. Keep up the good work and keep being an inspiration for us all!!!

FOBD

[Navyguy]

Had a great long weekend with the kids. Took them to the park on Sunday and the Smithsonian yesterday...played non-stop the rest of the time. Still found time to unpack all of W's and the kids' stuff (and there was a lot of it) from their time away.

W got home from her friends' house fairly late last night. I was already laying in bed watching TV when she got home. She asked how the kids were, I said great, and that they were worn out after our weekend. I asked her if she had fun on her weekend, she said yes, I had a good time. Then I went to sleep, while she stayed up and watched TV for a bit.

Tonight will be our first significant amount of time together in the house. I'm still pretty confused in trying to figure out exactly what she wants from me...I've had lots of mixed messages in the past week that I'm trying to piece together. Maybe someone here can help. Here's my summary of things she's said/done recently that I've percieved to be positive and negative:

Positives: She moved home, we're sleeping in the same bed, she "wants things to be as normal as possible", she said "things really need to change", she has been friendly in our limited interaction so far.

Negatives: She said "she wants space", she said she came home "not for us, but for the kids"

Penny for your thoughts...

[Redo]

Negatives: She said "she wants space", she said she came home "not for us, but for the kids"

Yea, but dont worry too much about that. Be the man, romance her and show what you can be. Once she falls for the new you, she will forget all she said. Then just keep that momentum going. my 2c.

[♪CS♪]

Similar to what Karma said. Just be a man that she will see as someone worth fighting for. Resist the temptations to move things faster than she is ready for. Be patient and let things develop on her timetable.

I suggest rereading the book. I am sure there are parts that did not apply to you before, but now are. You may also want to seek support in the piecing forum.

Good luck man!

[Navyguy]

Nothing too incredibly exciting to report from last night.

I did notice that W had written all the important dates in our calendar hanging on our fridge...and she actually wrote down our anniversary! (April 23...1 month away)

When I got home from work W proposed that we feed the kids and then put them to bed and then get takeout for dinner, so we ate, played some rock band, and put them to bed. During/after dinner we watched biggest loser together, had some good jokes and chats related to that. We were both starting to nod off, so we ended up going to bed pretty early.

[JustStunned]

Navy, it's all good. Solid foudations must be laid to build on. It's the quiet meaningful interactions I miss most.

[Navyguy]

Well, it's been 5 days since I last posted, and a week since W got home. Here's what's happened:

- Still no R/M talk between W and I.

- W continues to be distant and cold on occasion, but has been nice for the most part. Quite a few short, one-word answers from her, but we have had some good, fun talks. Like other sitches I have read, W has not gone through the awakening that the LBS has when they come back. How did those that have been there deal with this?

- W and kids have been sick for the last few days, which has made it somewhat difficult to read her...hard to tell when she's being distant/cold if it's because she feels like crap or if she's possibly upset about something else. I've been busting my butt to take care of the kids and the housework. I think I've been doing a good job...and I don't think I have done anything she would see as "negative".

- W is working on getting signed up to go back to school to work on her associates degree. Definitely a good thing.

- No physical contact at all. She was never big on this to start with, so this is not surprising. We are sharing the bed. D5 has been pretty clingy lately so one of us has had to go sleep with her for a couple of the nights.

- We discussed D5's Kindergarten here next fall...whether we want her in full day or 1/2 day. We also just signed D5 up for a soccer league.

- I made a really nice dinner for everyone Saturday night. Candles and all. D5 kept saying that our house was a fancy restaurant. For this, and most other times when I do something for her, W has thanked me, either directly, or indirectly by telling the kids to thank me.

- I took the kids out for a few hours yesterday to go clothes shopping. The kids and I put on a fashion show for W when we got home.

- A close friend that I have leaned on pretty heavily through this told me the other day asked me how things were going. I said overall good, and that she's been going back and forth between warm and cold, which I expected. I also told him that no matter how she acts she has taken a huge step just by coming back. He then told me that he was very surprised W came back, especially this soon. His comment threw me for a bit of a loop...made me start thinking about what made her decide to come back and if she came back too soon...I honestly don't think I know what the answers are.

- Our anniversary is 4 weeks away. I have no idea what to do. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

- W brought up our mutual friends' wedding in New Orleans in May, and what I want to do for it. I told her that she should definitely plan on going and that I will be taking the time off from work. Whether or not I go with her will depend on where we're at in a month from now.

All in all, I am extremely happy that they are home, but am feeling pretty insecure with where things stand today. It is hard to fight off the feeling that she is putting on a happy face but inside is still very angry with me. But, as she used to tell me before she left, "the fact that I'm here means I'm working on it". She still wants space, which I think means "be nice to me and don't bring up R/M stuff". I HAVE to stay patient.

[Navyguy]

Quick update...

Yesterday W texted while I was at work and said she thinks she has an ear infection. She called the doctor's office and got an appointment at 2:20, and it was 1:40...I rushed home (literally ran to the car) so she didn't have to take the kids with her...and good thing too as it took 2 hours there and it was right in the middle of nap time. I had the doctor's office programmed in the GPS for her when I got home so she could get there faster.

W was diagnosed with an ear infection and strep throat...so she slept the rest of the day while I took care of the kids. When she got up we had a good 15-20 minute talk about her school and other topics. I've really been focusing on listening and making good eye contact when she is talking...she hasn't said anything yet, but I think she's noticing. Then we went to bed.