A little update over a year and a half after I returned here...
STBX seemed to really not like my most recent approach and things started to feel very cold between us. So, rightly or not, I changed things up a little. A week ago when I was picking up S17 from work (he works for STBX) I told STBX that a singer we like is playing in our area in early April. I made no big deal out of it and just said "do you wanna go?". She said yes. So I got tickets online when I got home and texted her to confirm that I got them.
Yesterday STBX called me about an issue with her car. I took the initiative to ask how she is and we talked for a few minutes. She ended the conversation.
None of this adheres to basic DB principles, but sometimes I think I have to go with my gut. Obviously, my methods aren't hugely successful or I wouldn't still be here. But then, we still aren't divorced or even legally separated. I still live in my house with my kids and all my income stays in my home, while STBX provides support for the kids.
I could be doing much worse.
Actually, BTM, I think your approach WAS working. In fact, I just read thru EVERY ONE of your posts on this thread, as a recap.
I think things changed when you allowed your EXPECTATIONS to change, and started getting a little needier/grabbier/pursuing with her. Had you continued your prior course, I think you would have seen her continue to try to pull you back in a little.
Go back and read your thread yourself -- you'll see what I mean.
