Your meeting sounds productive. I'm glad for you. It sounds as though you will not need to have a formal court case (very expensive) in your situation. Once people start digging their heels in, the situation can spiral downward quickly. It sounds as though your H wasn't feeling like "digging in". You conducted yourself with grace and dignity once again. Another positive is that it sounds as though neither of your attorneys is wanting to escalate the situation and the judge wasn't antagonistic either. That helps tremendously!
Keep DB'ing CW. It will serve you well on all levels. If the worst case scenario occurs (and we all pray that it doesn't ---- hmmmmmm,.... a LS WOULD be an interesting outcome, wouldn't it?) and this does lead to a D, DB'ing will keep things calm and rational so that you can get a good settlement and minimize L's fees. Speaking from experience I can say that it is hard to DB during the D negotiations, but it does keep the door open for a new R down the road, especially since you have your beautiful children together.
Thanks GAG...you are right...DBing isn't really about H coming home anymore...it really is about keeping a good relationship going.
So, wanted to journal what happened today...
H did come in when he brought the kids in...I said "hi, I was hoping you'd come in so you could take a look at Sam's foot" and he said the kids had told him that Sam was limping. He looked him over and couldn't see anything but said to keep an eye on him. I mentioned that I didn't know when I'd have time to take him to the vet if needed as this week was pretty full. He didn't offer but if it gets worse I may call and ask if he would take him...I think he would...the pets have always been important to him. He did play with them and pet them longer today but I am sure it is because he was here longer.
I asked him if he'd seen the kids report cards (they were with his mail). He said he noticed them but didn't really look so that means he did know he had mail so will assume he forgot to take it!
He said he took D's bike and worked on it, wasn't shifting correctly and this brought up that they had gone to arenacross last night. SS called him and asked if wanted to go. SS already had tickets so they ended up not sitting together. I was very excited for the kids and asked lots of questions about it. H mentioned how expensive it was to go. The kids told me later that OW went too. Sigh....so now SS has officially met her.
D12 opened her little big mouth and showed H the pill holder I bought and all the pills I have to take now...he asked why I was taking them...I made it sound like no big deal...calcum, Vit D to prevent bone loss due the the cancer drug I take...didn't tell him that I just found out I have the beginnings of ostoeporosis in my lower back. He then mentioned how many pills he is taking and the very expensive one he had hoped to quit taking but the Dr wants him on it for another year.
Then, D12 blabbed again that we can't listen to music channels anymore on TV and H asked if we shut off the dish and I said yes, just this week.
He looked thru his mail and said something about a stack of unpaid bills at home and it felt like an opportunity to bring up the Dave Ramsey class I was taking...he seemed interested and asked questions about it.
I had a chocolate cake baking in the oven when they got home (thankyou SA for that suggestion!). When the timer went off, I thought of GAG and made sure my behind was in full view as I bent over to take the cake out of the over!
There was absolutely no mention of the house or of our meeting. Overall, a very positive encounter...lots of eye contact, joking and actual back and forth conversation.
The negatives...OW went along and so now SS has met her. The reason why they called yesterday was because they stopped so Ashley could put on some different pants. Man, I was really really hoping that he had taken the kids without that "thing".
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Your H doesn't seem to be in any hurry to push this D along. It does give pause that he said in the meeting that one of the reasons you two hadn't talked is because he just drops the kids off and doesn't come in.
This time he does come in and never mentions one word about the issues that are on the table to be resolved before the D can be settled. Hmmmm...
BTW, you're welcome for the cake idea. It's one of my family's favorites. Hope you enjoyed it!
CW - just catching up...your last interaction with you H seemed positive...and I agree he doesn't seem to be in a hurry to get the D done...maybe they want it, but it may be too much work for them in their current mental state...
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I LOVE that you had Seeking's fabulous chocolate cake baking AND you performed my "patented move"! Don't forget to arch your back when you do that move, OK? I read in a book once that that's how p0rn stars do that move. (sorry I'm a little naughty tonight.....I won 6 games at TT league tonight and I'm riding "a little high". )
I agree with Seeking. It really sounds as though H isn't in a big hurry. Don't forget girl........make HIM do the work. He sounds disorganized. Time is your friend.
Did you see the piece on the Today Show about the "Happily Ever After Project"? You can find it on YouTube. It is well worth watching. I think I might buy the book.
Just checking in ... haven't posted on your thread for awhile, mostly because everyone has had such good advice, that I don't know what to add. You are doing well. What is that 'move'?
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I agree with GAG, H wants a D, let H do the work. I think the reality of the true cost of D surprises some of them, and I'm not talking just the money aspect.
It seems like the more time that goes by the more things come to light. Time truly is your friend , my friend.
If you don't want this, sit back and let him dictate how fast the D will move along. Of course there are no guarantees, but you may just be surprised.
Oh GAG, thanks for the arching of the back tip...LOL
Don't forget to arch your back when you do that move, OK? I read in a book once that that's how p0rn stars do that move.