Had lunch with W to discuss financial matters. She indicated that I seemed to have "moved on" giving my actions taken without consulting her. I took this to be a success, however, she said if this was the case that we should move to something more permanent. She continues to view my detachment efforts as further evidence of my inability to communicate during our M. She still wants me to "fight" for her.
I thought, "so all the D bluster to now was not permanent?" Either she doesn't want the stigma of pulling the trigger and filing, or she's really not ready.
Friends confided today that they had seen her two weeks ago meet OM at a local restaurant and kiss him when they met. They were understandably very uncomfortable and apologized for not saying something to me sooner. While the anger pang of knowing she's out flaunting her new R began to flare, I was almost happy to hear that once W saw our friends sitting there, she immediately left and made OM pay. He apparently rolled his eyes and huffed while paying out. Hilarious. This douche has chased her for years, finally scored her; and after a year and a half, she's embarrassed to be seen with him. Yet he's still hanging in.
During lunch, she said she might not end up with this guy, but still totally ruled out counseling with me. Via a previous email, I restated my boundary that the affair end before counseling begins. Of course, she thinks I'm trying to manipulate the situation.
M / W: 43 D8 S6 M 10 years / T 13 years W admitted EA/PA: 10.6.09 Separated in same house 10.6.09 W moved out 2.27.10
Hey Jack. Yes she said she wanted me to fight for her. She felt I never did this. I told her early in this process that OM was no competition for me and that I was not going to audition for her affection. I feel that she's laid the failure of our R at my feet and now expects me to dance for her.
This sentiment surfaced again when she said there were 1000 things I could have done to get her back - while she's having an affair. Fortunately, I never took the bait and asked that she name one.
As has been said many times here, there is nothing I could have done/said or not done/said which would have changed her. I would have only cheapened myself.
Updating...My 8-year old D apparently texted "What are you doing" at 10:30pm on Saturday night from W's phone. I stayed home on Friday night and folded laundry. So on Saturday I felt a little deserving of a few cold ones with friends. Since I wouldn't have expected a text from W's phone from my D, I responded "having a few beers". W responds back "your D is now crying". So I send D a nice text to say goodnight. W sends a 2 page text and then another when I don't respond. Three pints at midnight Saturday and I'm off duty. She's pi**ed. As usual - no respect for "my" time. This detachment thing felt good until she used my D as pawn.
