The Lies and Deception Killing Me

[AJM80]

Abbey - Keep the key premise of this all in mind - you are acting/making decisions with solutions in mind. What is the end result that you want to accomplish? It may not always be preserving your marriage, but it should be becoming a happy, healthy version of yourself. You told a friend, don't second guess it or trying to justify it based on his behaviors now - beating yourself up or beating him up doesn't change that she knows. You needed someone to talk to and lean on. That's what friends are for. I wouldn't spread it too much - I wish I could untell about 10 people

Look at the small things happening...I think, from my limited view of situation, your H is seeing some changes and is acting differently. Don't rush the situation or escalate things. He's not going to go cold turkey from her. If you need a story to help you get through it, play best case/worst case and have a good laugh. For example -

Best case, the hang up was the OW...H has been getting distant lately and she's freaking out/getting clingy (and driving him away). He caved under her pressure and neediness and went back to her, but he's started to realize he wants to be with you and not her. The new you is fab and he's afraid he's loosing you to someone else, since you're prettier and busier lately.

Worst case, the new you has attracted a crazy stalker. He's an Italian exchange student at the local high school who is in your daughter's class and not comfortable with his English yet (plus he knows his love for you is wrong). Your H is still with the other woman, who just happens to be the host mother to your secret admirer. If things keep going down this road, we're going to see it unfold on the 5 o'clock news when Rudolpho and your H get into a brawl on the OW's front lawn.

Give yourself a shake, laugh, then go on to the next thing you have to do. It can really help.

Also, one thought- can you look at no kids in the house as an adventure and try to be positive about it? Sounds like you raised some great kids and should be giving yourself a pat on the back. Now what? Can you travel? Learn something you always wanted? I still think you going back to school is great - keep embracing life. With or without your husband, there will be love and fun in your life.