My W and I have been separated since early January and she is involved in an EA/PA with a married man from work.
Since starting DB’ing we have had virtually zero R talk. My W is very comfortable and friendly with me, too much so at times. I have had 3 coaching calls and my current plan of attack is to stay friendly with her, but with an emphasis on being unpredictable. Ensuring that I am not ALWAYS there for her.
We have a 20 month old D who splits time with both of us.
Our primary form of communication is through text messages. Phone calls here and there and some face-to-face, but not a lot at all. Once a week at most. W’s contact with me has picked up in the recent weeks. She is also now including things that do not have to do with our D. “How are you doing this weekend?” “Hope you’re having fun!” etc. I also noticed that in her message last night, she phrased the question “How is our D tonight?” First time since this began she has referred to her as “ours.”
Despite no legal restriction, she has yet to file for D and never even brings up the “D” word.
My biggest weakness is to over analyze, however, I try to let it all out here so I do not let it build up. I have also been better with not “reacting” to it, but rather thinking, and then letting it go, realizing I really have no idea.
I would say my biggest 180 is getting a control over my temper and letting go of a tendency to want to control everything. I have been reading Buddhist material and have in my opinion, developed a more healthy attitude towards life. I have also started taking guitar lessons and have been getting out of the house much more than I used to.
While I do believe I am seeing positive changes in my W’s behavior, I know that at the very most I am still a LONG way off towards any reconciliation. My DB coach has emphasized patience and how long it may take for my W’s feelings for OM to begin to change. I also know there are absolutely no guarantees that will ever happen, or at least within a reasonable timetable.
I am fully prepared for the worst, while also trying to keep the door open for the best.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
