H's BIL, niece, niece's H, and grandniece (16 onths old!) were visiting.
I really had fun with the family. We went to Tahoe for the weekend for snow play. We did a lot of things all together!
I am learning to be more relaxed around H. I admit I still watch him closely but at least the sick to my stomach/hole in my chest/tangible pain feeling is not there, at least 90% of the time (after 9 mos, LOL, so for those who wonder if it will ever go away, take heart!). I still get bouts of feeling hurt/resentment and the urge to investigate whenever I see him holding his phone, wondering if he’s texting OW. I know he did not call her the whole weekend though, I couldn’t stop myself and peeked at is recent calls…
The positives:
He was old H in many ways – taking charge of our trip, the food, he was very nice to me, taking care of my needs as well as the others.
He talked about past events – recalled times when our D was a baby, comparing her to the baby grand niece, would turn to me and say “remember when….” Also remembering the previous times we went to Tahoe, the meals we had, etc.
When I mentioned getting an iPad for myself, he said he was going to buy one, I said me first, then he said we could share (looking at me with a naughty look, for some reason)..
H asked me to accompany him wine tasting that evening, and we went by ourselves (a little date) .... I felt awkward! BUt kept the convo light and safe.
The negatives:
Just that he would always be stuck to his iPhone, taking pics. Nothing much, so I rate this as a good weekend!
Another thing I notice is that he normally is not too close to babies but this time he was always playing with the baby. Even had pics taken where he would have this big smile. He doesn’t smile when he has pics taken with me or even with D12. Couldn’t help but think that maybe he is trying to imagine life with a baby at his age in case his life went that way. I know OW loves babies and wants to have kids someday. Of course I am letting my imagination run wild, but I know my H well and many times my intuition/interpretation of his thought processes are correct.
Well, now time to steel myself for the coming week/weekend. We are going to attend a convention where OW lives. And he will be staying 2 nights longer than I am. Plenty of time to pursue OW. I keep praying that EA won’t turn into PA.
Can’t do anything more than to trust God on this one. But prayers will certainly help. Keep me in yours, my dear friends!
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
